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Aughts

Everybody Else Knows Best

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But for today, there is Elaine, holding Sam, and she wants to be told what to do, and so I say: “Go back to bed.” The clock says 3:47 p.m. “Take Sam.”

“You mean take Sam? Into the same bed I’m in?”

“Yes,” I say. After a beat, emboldened, I continue: “Continue the exact same pattern you’ve fallen into, confidently. Because there’s a new parenting movement called … Native Instinctualism? It’s a return to more of a Dr. Spockian point of view, which premises … ah … Parents Natural Instinctuality as the primary locus or seat of praxis around children’s developmental … something. The key is that it’s American Pediatric Association–approved, as reported last week on 20/20 and this week on Katie Couric … I can forward you the link, it’s www-dot-P-N-I … Or wait a minute, perhaps it was www-dot-PAR-NAT-STINCT— ”

And to my familiar soothing lullaby, gently, oh so gently, a grateful Elaine re-cradles the phone and goes to her rest.


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