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Elaine Godfrey

  1. on the campaign trail
    Stuck in Third Place, Rubio Tries ‘Micro-Branding’ in Iowa“If we had to have a Republican in this office, he would be one of the least frightening of them.”
  2. today in police reports
    Fifth-Graders Suspended for Making a ‘Bomb’“It was not a prank. They had a legitimate plan.”
  3. Hundreds Dead in India As Record Flooding ContinuesRescue efforts are still under way, as more rain is predicted.
  4. oh albany!
    Sheldon Silver Filed for His Pension a Day After Getting Convicted of CorruptionHe could make more than $85,000 a year.
  5. staggering numbers
    There Have Been 38,000 Hit-and-Runs in NYC This YearThe shocking finding has prompted a bill in the City Council that would boost penalties.
  6. important questions
    Turkish Judge Asks, ‘Is Gollum Good or Bad?’A man’s fate relies on the answer.
  7. early and awkward
    Martin O’Malley Offers Cure for a Broken HeartBut he’s still not sure which Democratic candidate smells the best.
  8. boycott kids!
    Academic Won’t Help Israeli Girl With Homework“You might be a child, but you are old enough to learn about Israeli history and how it has impacted on the lives of Palestinian people.”
  9. bad ideas
    Canadian Man Faces Jail Time for Smuggling Turtles in His PantsHe strapped 41 turtles around his legs and hid 10 in between.
  10. the right to bear arms
    Panda-Onesie Bandits on the Run After Committing Armed Robbery“I think this is a first for us as I certainly can’t remember any suspects disguising themselves as pandas before.”
  11. flick of the wrist
    Soon You Can Pay for Things With Your Swatch“Pay by the wrist.”
  12. fair is fair
    GOP Candidates Get Free Airtime on NBCThe spots will be aired on 18 NBC affiliates in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.
  13. if you see something say something
    New Yorkers Can Now ‘See Something, Say Something’ With Their PhonesThere’s an app for that.
  14. bus accidents
    Man Hit by MTA Bus on Lower East Side in Third Pedestrian Accident This MonthHe is reportedly in serious condition. 
  15. awful things
    Myanmar Landslide Kills More Than 120 MinersMany more are still missing.
  16. Sick Passengers Caused 3,000 Train Delays Per Month in NYC This YearMany were vomiters.
  17. luck of the draw
    Candidates Drew Straws in Tied Mississippi RaceThe Republican plans to appeal.
  18. phew
    Utah School Decides Not to Make Students Create ISIS Propaganda“We don’t want students going on the internet and looking up terrorist things.”
  19. Ebola Returns to Liberia, Country Was Believed to Be Virus-FreeNearly 5,000 Liberians have died from the virus since last year.
  20. press pause
    House Passes Bill to Block RefugeesSince it still seems unlikely the bill will become law, it probably won’t do much else than that. 
  21. the miracle of life
    Astronomers Witness the Birth of Baby Planets for the First TimeWelcome to the universe, little LkCa 15b and LkCa 15c.
  22. campus protest
    Students Across the U.S. Participate in #StudentBlackOut to Protest InjusticeCampus protest, circa 2015: watch for the hashtag.
  23. awful things
    Explosion Kills at Least 32 in Nigeria; Boko Haram SuspectedMore than 80 people were injured.
  24. r.i.p.
    4-Foot-Long Alligator Found Dead in New Jersey Park“We have never had a gator sighting in any of our county park’s waterways.”
  25. same-sex marriage
    Ireland Celebrates First Same-Sex Marriages“It really is so nice to have the full marriage, and I’m every bit as emotional.” 
  26. touche
    ‘F*ck Them. We Have the Champagne!’ Says Charlie HebdoThe magazine is set to publish its first issue since the Paris attacks.
  27. verifiably late
    129,000 Subway Riders Requested Late-for-Work Excuse Slips From MTA Last YearDelays are up, and so are requests for official delay-verification forms.
  28. islamic state watch
    ISIS Says It Will ‘Strike America at Its Center’ in Washington“You will have a day, God willing, like France’s.”
  29. regular john
    John Boehner in Retirement Likes to Vacuum“I haven’t driven a car for nine years. I did a couple of weeks ago. I have a valid driver’s license.”
  30. all-american prophet
    Mormons Resign En Masse After Church Labels Same-Sex Couples ‘Apostates’Children of same-sex relationships won’t be baptized.
  31. campus protests
    Mizzou’s Interim President Promises to Address Racism ImmediatelyAnd students across the country are calling for action at their own schools.
  32. other people’s local news
    These Deer Really Just Want to Get Inside Before WinterThey are coming.
  33. can u not
    Aircraft-Annoying Lasers Now Taking Over Skies in BrooklynHow many helicopters does it take to find a laser pointer?
  34. alert
    Facebook’s New App Will Take Us Even Closer to Total DistractionThe app Notify will send us an update any time anything happens.
  35. fact-check
    The Proud Legacy of ‘Operation Wetback’ and 5 Other Whoppers From the GOP DebateWhere do they get this stuff?
  36. hurtful speech
    Mizzou Asks Students to Report ‘Hurtful’ Speech“If possible and if it can be done safely, take a photo of the individual(s) with your cell phone.”
  37. bye!
    Catalonia Is Making Plans to Split From Spain by 2017The northern region doesn’t care what the rest of Spain thinks.
  38. Two Pranksters Built a Pizza Rat Robot to Terrify New YorkersNew Yorkers clearly only love the idea of Pizza Rat.
  39. last week tonight this morning
    Watch John Oliver Call Out Redskins’ Attempt to Defend Their NameAt least Redskins isn’t as bad as “Dick Balls,” right? Right??
  40. talking about the weather
    New York May See Record-High Temperature Today — Take Off Your Jacket AlreadyA historically sweaty November continues.
  41. ewww
    Tapeworms Can Give Us Cancer, CDC SaysThe agency just confirmed its first case of worm-caused tumors.
  42. Colbert: Jeb’s Forced Confidence Is a Little SadThe Late Show host imagines a State of the Union as a blustering apology.
  43. drip drop
    The Ceiling of the WTC’s Calatrava Mall LeaksAnother black eye for the Oculus.
  44. tweet-and-delete
    Yet Again, Donald Trump Forced to Delete an Offensive Tweet This time, it was an image of Jeb Bush next to a swastika. An intern is not blamed.
  45. There Will Be No More Blimps Defending AmericaDid one renegade blimp ruin it for all of the others?
  46. horrible things
    70-Year-Old Woman Killed in Brooklyn Hit-and-RunWitnesses report she was “cut in half.”
  47. the neocon con
    Ahmad Chalabi, Proponent of Iraq War and Existence of WMDs, Is DeadThe salesman of regime change.
  48. nature
    After Thousands of Years, Britain’s Oldest Tree Is Maybe Becoming FemaleThis yew has decided to give growing berries a try. 
  49. zoo intruder
    Allegedly Drunk Zoo Trespasser Bitten by Elderly 3-Legged TigerMaybe she was trick-or-treating in the big-cat exhibit.
  50. New Clinton Email Shows Great Emoji Struggle“On this new berry, can I get smiley faces?”
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