Giant Wet Wipes Mean You’ll Never Have to Shower Again

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It’s easy to forget that hot showers are a modern luxury, until you’re at a music festival for three days and every light breeze reintroduces you to a noxious concoction of patchouli and BO. A company out of Seattle called Epic Wipes believes it has a solution to this problem: giant wet wipes.

Epic Wipes founder Aeneas Janze came up with the idea for a megawipe while serving in Afghanistan, where he and his fellow soldiers routinely deployed regular old baby wipes to clean up in a pinch. But wipes designed for a baby’s butt could only do so much when applied to an adult body, and going through piles of them felt wasteful. So Janze made one 16 times bigger.

These individually packaged wipes can be carted around in your pocket, but when unfolded are as big as a bath towel. They’re made of bamboo, are therefore completely biodegradable, and they contain essential oils that “are nourishing to your skin.”

At least that’s the pitch Epic Wipes has put together to sell these things to more than sweaty campers and smelly concertgoers. On Kickstarter, where the company has raised 150 percent of its goal with a week remaining, it promotes the wipes as a way to go “straight from the beach to the boardwalk” or a good choice for those who bike to work. They can also clean a baby’s butt, should the need arise.

But that’s not all. Epic Wipes can “dust all your furniture in half the time” or “keep the interior of your car looking brand new.” Anything you can do with a regular wipe, you can do with an Epic Wipe, albeit at a modest 15,000-percent markup. (A single wipe will retail for $2.99.)

Still, the real selling point of these things is their ability to clean dirt and grime from the body without running water. The key is to scrub down in the proper order. As the company puts it, “face first, butt last.”