“I drew the line at hygiene products. It just seemed wrong. Like Captain Jack toothpaste, for example. How can a guy with gold teeth sell toothpaste?” —Johnny Depp, on Pirates of the Caribbean merchandise [EW]

“Your Least Favorite Movie Star, Rob Schneider” —The card attached to a get-well bouquet sent to Roger Ebert, whose new book, Your Movie Sucks, took its title from Ebert's review of Schneider’s Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo [People]

“I won't say Adams is the best North American singer-songwriter since Neil Young … but I won't say he isn't, either.” —Stephen King, in an Amazon.com product description of Ryan Adams’s Easy Tiger [Pitchfork]

“I didn't know that [Green Day was in the Simpsons movie] until you told me. So there you go. I will really be the last to know. I just hope I get to go to the premiere.” — Yeardley Smith, the voice of Lisa Simpson [MTV]

“I expected him to be in black and white.” —Brian Williams, recalling the time he met Walter Cronkite [NYDN]
—Lindsey Thomas