Patton Oswalt Takes On the KFC Bucket

“Stop right there! Can you pile all of those items into a single bowl and just kinda make them into a wet mound of starch that I can eat with a spoon like I’m a death-row prisoner on suicide watch? … Is there a way that the bowl can play This Mortal Coil’s It’ll End in Tears album while I’m eating it at 2:00 in the morning in my darkened apartment, just kind of staring into the distance? … If you could put my lunch in a blender and liquefy it and put it into a caulking gun and then inject it right into my femoral artery, even better. But until you invent the lunch gun, I would like a failure pile in a sadness bowl.” —Patton Oswalt, ordering one of KFC’s famous “bowls” on his very funny forthcoming comedy album, Werewolves and Lollipops