Bruce WillisPhoto by Getty Images

“I just say, ‘Dude, what's your name?’ and he says, ‘Uh, Cinjun.’ I say, 'Cinjun, you're in charge. If anything happens to one of my daughters, I'm coming to you first, and then I'm going to kill all your friends right in front of you, and you'll be last.'” —Bruce Willis, on making sure his daughters’ male friends never sleep again [People]

“The sight of my face and the thought of my DNA growing in Katherine Heigl's body — it shouldn't happen. The universe negates itself if that happens. It's kind of a crossing-the-streams thing.” —Knocked Up’s Seth Rogen, on the possibility of his impregnating a gorgeous woman [EW]

“Lebron [James] is truth on the basketball court, and we had a lot of fun making the song for him. He's handling up right now in the playoffs, kinda like how I'm handling up on the mic and demolishing the tracks.” —Paul Wall, on recording a theme song for the Cavaliers small forward [AllHipHop]

“I'd love to torture [Kate Hudson]. But then again, sitting through one of her romantic comedies is its own form of torture. If I had to choose between watching Raising Helen or vomiting because of something I'd seen on the screen in Hostel: Part II, I'd pick the vomit every time.” —Hostel director and sick bastard Eli Roth [imdb]

“I did have a choice to go to a pay jail. But I declined because I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I'm not and that's why I wanted to go to county, to show that I can do it and I'm going to be treated like everyone else. I'm going to do the time, I'm going to do it the right way.” —Paris Hilton, on why she’s keeping it real in county [CNN]