Paul DergarabedianCourtesy of IFC Films

On Friday, we tried to help our friend, banal-coholic Paul Dergarabedian, by doing his job for him, assessing this weekend's likely box-office results in the most thick-witted way we could. But he would not be outdone — commenting on the $50.2 million success of Rush Hour 3, Paul D. ignored our assistance and managed the rare feat of being quoted by three major news organizations without saying a single insightful thing!

To the New York Times: “The orderly release schedule we’ve seen this summer seems to be keeping momentum alive … Studios are taking a chance on late summer, and it is paying off.”

To the AP: "We've been riding a wave of momentum that started with Transformers in July … We already stand at $3.6 billion at the box office. The $4 billion summer, once thought an impossibility, is definitely within reach."

To Bloomberg: "Normally by this time, things are really slowing down … This is as good a scenario as you could imagine heading into the last weeks of the summer."

Rarely has a man said so little in so many words — and in so many newspapers!

Earlier: Paul Deragarbedian Watch: We Make the World's Easiest Job Even Easier