"When people tell me they have never seen the show, I tell them not to. It's like television crack: Once you start watching, you get addicted." —Tim Gunn, fashion drug dealer, on Project Runway [NYDN]

"Had I known I was supposed to be a puppy dog, I would have been much more cute and more consistently attentive. My apologies, Eva, but I had a few other scenes that you weren't in. This puppy dog had a lot of work to do." —Joaquin Phoenix responding to We Own the Night co-star Eva Mendes, who said working with him was like working with a puppy [PR Inside]

"MySpace is dangerous. Sometimes your fans get too much access. Some girl made a ceramic brain and posted it to me. A supermodel came up to me and cut her hand and smeared blood on my shirt. I asked what she was doing and she said: 'I heard you like blood.' I told her I like corn syrup and food coloring. It was disgusting." —Horror director Eli Roth, whose creepy movies beget creepy fans [Metro U.K.]

"Just today I was in a New York City department store and a woman I did not know heretofore came up to me — I was looking at picture frames — and said, 'I understand you're going to host Saturday Night Live.' She then said to me without a trace of irony, 'Do you have a funny side?' I said, 'Ma'am, we'll see.'" —This week's SNL host Brian Williams, who is, in all seriousness, not funny at all [TV Guide]

"I've literally got nothing left to write about." — Oasis' Noel Gallagher, whose next album might be even worse than his last one [NME]
—Elizabeth Black