Courtesy of Lionsgate

After inexplicably sitting atop the Netflix Top 100 for the past two years, Paul Haggis's racism drama Crash is finally getting its own TV mini-series. Variety reports that for the Starz network's first-ever original drama, the 2005 Best Picture winner will be adapted into a thirteen-part series which will use "new characters and new stories to get into the subjects of race and class, and the bigotry that's simmering under the skin of a city like Los Angeles." And also, presumably, to prove that you're racist.

According to Lionsgate president Kevin Beggs, none of the film's major cast members will return for the series, but we bet this is a red herring. Here's how we imagine this going down: After a faceless pair of non-stars masterfully and manipulatively convince you of institutional racism in the Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks, the anonymous thesps will pull off masks to reveal that they were, in fact, Matt Dillon and Thandie Newton the whole time, forcing viewers to finally admit their own secret bias against no-name cable-TV actors. (God, we can't believe they're making this into a show.)

Starz braces for 'Crash' [Variety]