The Oscars aren't for another month, but these awards were given at an earlier ceremony:

Best Photo Illustration: Nymag.com's very own Everett Bogue for this.

Best Live Performance by the "Chocolate Rain" Guy: Tay Zonday at Europa.

Best Sound Mixer Certain to Lose His Twentieth Oscar: Kevin O'Connell.

Best Oscar Predictions Almost Certain to Be Wildly Off the Mark: Ours.

Best Cinematography: Bootlegged Cloverfield.

Best Original Score Disqualified Because AMPAS Is Lame-o: Jonny Greenwood for There Will Be Blood.

Best Nonexistent Film Editor: Roderick Jaynes.

Best Foretelling of the End of Ben Silverman: Ben Silverman.

Best List of Scary Movie Vaginas: This one.

Best Reason to Stop Watching Fox Altogether: The Moment of Truth.

Best Eighties TV Shows That Ben Silverman Is Probably Already Remaking: These.