At first it seemed like it was gonna be another slow, sleepy week in entertainment, the kind of week where "Attractive Actress Cast as Bond Girl" qualified as breaking news. But then, disaster struck! David Simon was wrong about a tiny detail of grammar, and we went medieval on his ass, forcing him to respond. (Of course, he'll respond to anything you write; he even responded to our post asking if he responds to everything anyone writes.)

Meanwhile, for those who wanted quality in their television, American Gladiators became the biggest hit of the season. Jon Stewart really needed writers; too bad Tom Wolfe's busy for the foreseeable future. Anyway, Colbert drank Stewart's milkshake this week.

Speaking of drinking, McLovin got his drink on, thanks to Rob Thomas. That's no weirder than the realization that Philip Seymour Hoffman should've starred in I Am Legend, or that people actually purchased a CD of In Rainbows. Or that United Artists has spent $100 million, so far, on that Nazi Tom Cruise movie.

Philippe de Montebello resigned, and we wondered who was snooty enough to fill his impeccably shined shoes. Uwe Boll isn't snooty at all; if he was, he would make better movies. America's soldiers aren't snooty; they demand Wilmer Valderrama. And the fine people of Rochester, New York, aren't snooty, but of course that doesn't matter because the Cloverfield monster is coming for them.