Photo Illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: nytimes.com, Courtesy of ABC

Today's Times analysis of the Jimmy Kimmel–Sarah Silverman video war — which started with Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" and continues with Kimmel's "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" — is a new entry in the proud tradition of journalistic write-arounds. Usually you write a write-around because you can't get access to your subject. But this time Edward Wyatt's write-around is necessitated by the fact that, well, he can't name the titles of the videos in question, nor can he really describe that much of their content: "A satiric video in which Mr. Kimmel, the host of the ABC late-night talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live, talks enthusiastically — jokingly, we are led to believe — about his sexual relationship with Ben Affleck, has been a huge hit online," Wyatt writes. The entire article is a masterpiece of tortured syntax that deftly removes all humor from the videos.

Our favorite part is how he delicately introduces the notion of the F-bomb:

One vulgar word describing the coital relations between, on the one bed, Ms. Silverman and Mr. Damon, and on the other, Mr. Kimmel and Mr. Affleck, was repeatedly bleeped out for the broadcast of each video.

"Several scenes from the videos," he adds, "also required pixelation." We like to imagine the wilting daisies among the Times' readership — which probably contains 80 percent of the people in America who haven't watched the videos yet — clutching their hearts in horror.

Late-Night TV Satires Become Online Hits [NYT]
Earlier: Enough With the Hilarious Celebrity-Fucking