Millions of fans have rewarded both of you for your brilliant ideas and hard work (J.K.) and easy-to-use interface and on-time delivery (Amazon). You have each made scads of money as a result. If Rowling wanted to write this book only for her friends and family, that would be one thing. But she put it on public auction, and Amazon bought it, and so now this supposedly treasured limited edition is being used by Amazon to flog stupid essay-writing contests where kids answer the question, "What have you learned from the Harry Potter series that you use in everyday life?"

Just let us buy the stinking book, which is all we want to do. Sell it for $10. Donate all proceeds to charity — you'd be giving way more to your favorite causes than you did by auctioning it off in the first place.

Barring that, we're definitely entering — and winning — this contest. "Harry Potter taught us that information wants to be free!" Hands off, suckas, the book is ours.

Beedle the Bard Ballad Writing Contest [Amazon]

Earlier: There's a New J.K. Rowling Book! And No, You Can't Read It
Amazon.com Buys J.K. Rowling's £2 Million Book; You Still Can't Read It