Courtesy of ABC and Disney

"Hello. I'm Ben Linus. And this is my close friend, Beaker. We're here to tell you what happened this week on Vulture. And then we're going to find your daughter … and we're going to kill her."

"MEEP MEEP MEEP! MEEP!"

"I want you to listen to me very carefully because there isn't time to repeat anything. If I repeat anything, every single living person on this island will be killed. I know you were excited about this week's episode of Lost, and I know Lost repaid your enthusiasm by being really exciting. I know you are excited about this summer's superhero movies too, but I must tell you this now and listen carefully: One or more of them is going to suck. Isn't that right, Beaker?"

"MEEP MEEP!"

"If you want to survive this weekend, stick by me. Don't trust the president, no matter what Harold and Kumar tell you. He will cost you money. The only person I trust less than the president is Robert Downey Jr. I'm worried he won't be any good in Iron Man, and I wish they'd cast Rob Lowe instead. Because they didn't cast Rob Lowe, every single living person on this island will be killed. Beaker can explain more."

"MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP. MEEP!"

"Who else can't you trust? Zombies. Robots. Apes. Farting cowboys. Writers. Cavemen. Slave Leias. They're all deadly. They have but one purpose: to find me and capture me. And if they do, every single living person on this island will be killed. Also, Madonna."

"MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP!"

"No, Beaker! No more lies!"

"MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP … MEEP MEEP MEEEEEEEEEEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP-MEEP MEEP MEEP! MEEP MEEP? MEEP! MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP: MEEP MEEP MEEP, MEEP MEEP, MEEP MEEP MEEP!"

"I agree, Beaker. I would be remiss if I did not mention that Weezer's album cover is hilarious."

"MEEP MEEP!"

"It should be clear to you from the events of this week that no one is safe. Some people can sing anything. Some people cannot, and they pay the price. But if you do not do exactly what I say — exactly — then every single living person on this island will be killed. Are you listening? Okay. Have a good weekend! Sorry about your daughter!"

"MEEP!"