This weekend, Wall-E will offend fat people by supplanting Monsters, Inc. as Pixar's best-ever movie and officially kicking off 2008's Oscar race. But in 2708, long after the Jonaspocalypse has left Earth a barren wasteland unable to sustain life, the future's most adorable waste-management robot will certainly have his work cut out for him cleaning up the crap we went through just this week.

First he'll have to dispose of a bunch of TiVos, filled with not-yet-watched episodes of Mad Men, followed by an assortment of Muxtapes containing Vulture's celebrity-curated summer playlists. Next, he'll have to sweep up pieces of all the pottery we broke while playing the Star Wars Wii light-saber game. Unsold passes for Will Smith's Hancock will probably be littered throughout our national parks and forests (along with very few ticket stubs for the movie, since we don't think it's possible it'll be a hit).

Wall-E will have to find a place to put David Simon's Emmy for Best Drama series, along with J.J. Abrams's stack of discarded treatments for Cloverfield 2. Surely there will be landfills piled high with copies of various mandatory-sex memoirs and Beatles-themed video games. Plus, he'll need to get rid of all the second-place ribbons awarded to the losing mutts on CBS' Greatest American Dog and previous sonically inferior reissues of Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville. Also, presumably, there will be mountains of thrown-out iPods loaded exclusively with MP3s of Shaq's 2008 megahit, "Tell Me How My Ass Taste (Remix)."