Stern Will Rock You: Howard Stern is producing a remake of 1979's Rock 'n' Roll High School, the movie where the Ramones help a group of rebellious students teach their rock-music-hating principal a lesson — simultaneously the dumbest and best movie ever. Alex "Bill S. Preston, Esq." Winter will write it, drawing on his experience uniting the world with rock and roll while he was in Wyld Stallyns. [Variety]

Sony Stings Back With Venom: A little bit of Dark Knight envy might be fueling Sony's latest move, as they've started moving forward with a Spider-Man spinoff focusing on Venom. Mean Creek's Jacob Estes turned in a draft way back when, but now they're looking to go in a different direction. Script aside, the real problem is that they're still stuck trying to open a tent pole starring Topher Grace. [HR]

Raimi Gets a Transplant: Disney has picked up The Transplants, some kind of tippy-top secret "superhero story with a comedic bent" by Adam Jay Epstein and Andrew Jacobson (the duo behind Not Another Teen Movie), for Sam Raimi to produce. We'd make a Not Another Superhero Movie joke here, but it's just too easy. [HR]

Foster's Second Amendment: Lucas Foster, a producer on Mr. & Mrs. Smith, has picked up the rights to The Arms of the Sun by Roberto Zacco. The originally Italian book is the first part of a trilogy focusing on Nefertiti and will "be the basis for an epic romantic adventure film," according to Foster. He might be misjudging Americans; we obviously like our Egyptian movies chock-full o' mummies. [HR]

Beverly Hills Cop Impersonator: Producer John Davis wants to make a movie about a zany character, a 36-year-old security guard who decided to clean up his small Missouri town by designing a fake badge, pretending to be part of a government "Multi-Jurisdictional Task Force," and then arresting a bunch of drug dealers. What a wacky, farcical … true story? The actual guy, Bill Anthony Jakob, now faces a 23-count federal indictment for impersonating a law-enforcement officer, but he was presumably paid a handsome sum of money for the rights to his story, proving once again that America is awesome. [Variety]