So after this totally brutal weekend, in which the $60 million Meet Dave made only $5.3 million in theaters, what remains for the career of Eddie Murphy? Even when the guy stars in a movie that's charitably called "the least painful" of his recent works, no one wants to watch it. (Explained 20th Century Fox distribution executive/sacrificial lamb Bert Livingston, "Just not enough people came.") He's got a couple of movies in the can and several more in the pipeline, including, supposedly, Beverly Hills Cop IV. But given how lousy and unpopular Eddie Murphy has been recently, is there anyone who's truly looking forward to any of these projects? And seriously, has there ever been a major superstar with worse taste in material than Eddie Murphy?

The guy is now responsible for a handful of career-killer-class bombs: Meet Dave, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Holy Man, Vampire in Brooklyn, and Harlem Nights. Sure, he's in some movies that make money, but so is Brendan Fraser, and in one crucial way Brendan Fraser is superior to Eddie Murphy: Brendan Fraser was never his generation's most electrically talented comic performer, so crappy Brendan Fraser projects don't make us weep for the wasted potential of Brendan Fraser's career.

It's time to hang it up, Eddie. Take those retirement rumors and make 'em real. See if you can talk your way into your long-rumored role in Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards — though Tarantino seems to have made it tough for you, as the character exclusively speaks French throughout the screenplay — and call it a career after that. You'll be mourned, but not missed.

'Hellboy' burns competition [Variety]

Earlier: ‘Meet Dave’ a Triumph of Mediocrity for Eddie Murphy