Alright, alright, alright, listen up. I'm Quentin Tarantino, alright? And I've been in the news an awful lot this week, alright? I finished my script for Inglourious Basterds, and I've been working on financing and casting it. It's gonna be awesome — it'll make Frank Rich cry even harder than Wall-E did. It'll bring Rick Moranis out of retirement. 6 a.m.? Fans will buy tickets for screenings of Inglourious Basterds at negative four in the morning, that's how much they'll want to see it. And I'll show Guillermo del Toro who the modern master is, that's for sure, alright?

Once the Basterds are all done, I've got a bunch of other projects ready to write, all based on the events of this week. Their titles, as they'll be scrawled in my own handwriting on their screenplays' cover pages:

ATTACK OF THE KILLER PLASTIC BAG'S

THE MAN WHO CONTROLLED THE WHETHER

FROGS WHO HATE FLIES

LI'L WILLOW SMITH AND THE DADDY WHO SLAPPED HER DOWN

THE BAND WHO'S NAME YOU COULDNT PRONOUCE

THE DETECTIVE IN THE PLADD THONG

TORTURE FOR FUN & PROFITT!!!!!!

THE SENATOR AND THE JOKER

THE LONG LENS OF INDIE ROCK DOOOOOM

GAY CAGE FIGHTERS IN LOVE

Okay, gotta run, alright? I gotta shoot this movie in the next week to get it ready for Cannes. Peace out!