Sometimes a book deal comes along that you never knew you were waiting for, but, once it's announced, you realize it has been your secret wish all along. Which explains our reaction to the news that Dustin Diamond, whose high-pitched nerdy exploits as Samuel "Screech" Powers figured prominently in nearly thirteen (!) years of Saved by the Bell incarnations (plus that infamous sex tape), has jumped on the tell-all bandwagon. Behind the Bell, which Gotham Books preempted from Objective Entertainment's Jarred Weisfeld, promises to detail "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying," and for those of us who spent untold hours in our formative years memorizing "I'm So Excited" and the entire back catalog of Zack Attack, this is the greatest book deal in the history of the universe.

But Diamond, with an assist from veteran ghostwriter Alan Goldsher, will really strike pop-culture gold if he can answer our most burning question: What if Miss Bliss had moved to Bayside with the SBTB gang instead of Principal Belding? The course of television history might have been irrevocably altered. —Sarah Weinman

Dustin Diamond's "Behind the Bell" [Publishers Marketplace, subscription req'd]

Is Elizabeth Berkley's speed-infused dance among our Great Moments in TV Addiction Subplots? Is Saved by the Bell one of the Ten Shows From the Eighties We'd Actually Like to Revive? Is Screech one of our Ten Fictional Characters Who Must Die? Check out Vulture's complete TV coverage to read more!