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What's up, America! I'm Ben Silverman, head of programming at NBC, winner of the Rose d'Or, and future public servant. On the occasion of America's, like, 500th birthday, I've been driving around Hollywood with my summer tunes pumped up (sing it, Shaq!), looking for ways to get Eddie Murphy and Rose McGowan into an NBC project. Once Katie's Broadway move flops, I should be able to cast her and Tom in a reality show, too.

But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about! I'm here to talk about America. As eventual NBC sitcom star Yaakov Smirnoff once said, "What a country!" A country where you can take a hit TV show about six friends and turn it into a movie, and the network that kept that TV show on the air for years doesn't see a dime. A country where a reporter can just go through a mogul's garbage and report on it. A country that keeps Boy George out but keeps animation-hater Jeffrey Wells in. A country where a fifteenth-century sculpture could fall on your head at any moment. God, what the hell is wrong with this country?

No, no, America is awesome. We've got Kanye! And waterfalls! And Wall-E! And Beverly Hills Chihuahua, an idea I can't believe I didn't have!

So have a great Fourth of July, America! Go outside for a few minutes, grill out, maybe watch some fireworks on your local NBC affiliate. Enjoy your freedom! These babies I've got caged up in my office would envy your freedom. And, as my good friend Gary Oldman would say, "God bless us, every one!" See you Monday ... on NBC!