There Goes the Neighborhood: Jackie Chan will star in The Spy Next Door, an action comedy directed by Are We There Yet's Brian Levant for Relativity Media. Basically, um, Jackie Chan is a spy who gets asked to babysit his neighbor's kids and must fight enemy agents when one of those kids accidentally downloads a secret code. It seems like a thinly veiled attempt by the MPAA to stop kids from downloading movies, although they're sending mixed messages; yes, ninjas come to kill you, but you also get to meet Jackie Chan! [HR]

Sympathy for Ruffalo: Mark Ruffalo is stepping into the daddy pants as he makes his directing debut with Sympathy for Delicious. Along with James Franco and Chris Thornton, Ruffalo will star in the pic, the story of a handicapped D.J. (Thornton) with the seemingly divine ability to cure the sick. Ruffalo plays a Jesuit priest who consults him while Franco plays the leader of a rock band, because he just kind of showed up high on the set one day and started jamming so they totally put him in the movie. [Variety]

The Rise of Balfour: Eric Balfour — a.k.a. 24's Milo Pressman — will star in Rise of the Gargoyle for Sci Fi Channel. Story centers on an author with ridiculous theories about pagan architecture, the laughingstock of the academic world, who one night finds himself face-to-face with the very gargoyle he studies. Unfortunately, the gargoyle will not be played by James Carville. [HR]

WB Takes On Eat, Pray, Love: Warner Bros. has optioned the upcoming comedy novel Drink, Play, F@#k, Andrew Gottlieb's version of Elizabeth Gilbert's ubiquitous femme-centric memoir Eat, Pray, Love (in development at Paramount with Julia Roberts attached). In Gottlieb's fictional account, a man's wife leaves him so he goes to Ireland to drink his face off, Vegas to gamble his savings away, and Thailand to get his freak on. This movie should obviously end with a shot of Tucker Max shrugging and saying, "Am I right, fellas?" [HR]

McClammy Beats It: Because no one would be content fucking Matt Damon for the rest of his life, Jimmy Kimmel Live segment producer Wayne McClammy has signed on to direct Beat Kip for Paramount Vantage. Revenge comedy follows three guys who drive cross-country to confront their Ivy League nemesis who stole one of their girlfriends. They presumably found out after the nemesis released his music video, "I'm Fucking Your Girlfriend." [HR]