Photo: Courtesy of Microsoft Excel

Is it time to start caring about this season of American Idol? Thankfully, no — that won't be for several more weeks, when America has finally picked the best twelve contestants. But last night, Simon, Paula, Randy, and whats-her-face selected 2009's Top 36. So who are these young hopefuls, most of whom will soon be returned to complete obscurity? Our probing, Microsoft Excel–based analysis, after the jump.