authoritarian voice

Decider Less Than Half As Valuable As Bubba

Why so quiet, President Bush? Writing?! You don’t say. Today, George W. Bush sold his book for a reported $7 million to Crown, proud publishers of Condoleezza Rice and Barack Obama. He told the AP he’s already written some 30,000 words of the selective memoir he first discussed yesterday, marking the occasion with a classic Bushism.

Bill Clinton’s $15 million windfall for My Life probably had as much to do with Monica as with his enduring popularity from Davos to Dakar. “I made a lot of decisions,” Bush told the AP, dodging the question of whether he would handle hot buttons like Scooter Libby or Donald Rumsfeld. But he will be going behind the scenes of some important life choices — deciding to become born again and to quit drinking, deciding to invade Afghanistan, deciding to enter Iraq, deciding not to enter New Orleans.

The tentative title is Decision Points, a phrase we imagine Will Ferrell is already practicing in front of a mirror. It’s subject to change but don’t bet on it. This man sticks to his guns. Or maybe he’s going soft? Bush wasn’t entirely happy with his campaign memoir, A Charge to Keep, which felt to him like a rush job. So he’s going to take his time on this one. Talk to aides to help jog his memory. Consult those with slightly different points of view. Delve into some self-criticism. You know, step back and try not to do anything rash. Who is this man?

Decider Less Than Half As Valuable As Bubba