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We don't know what you guys think, but one of our favorite things to read each day is the Gossipmonger roundup our well-coiffed siblings over at Daily Intel put together. After all, where else can you get so much great information packed into such a compact space? We love it so much that we decided to ape the style as best we could for this week's Roll Credits. Yes, that's right, we don't have to work tomorrow. As Trey Parker and Matt Stone would say, "America, fuck yeah!" Anyway, here goes ...
In an interview with Ed Champion, Alain de Botton — the author who inadvisably left angry comments on the personal blog of the New York Times Book Review critic who slammed his book last Sunday — says that if he could go back in time, he'd tell himself, "Put this message in an envelope, not on the Internet." [Ed Champion]
A hearty congratulations goes out this afternoon to Vulture commenter ktfania, whose well-composed Britney Spears haiku managed to win over your friendly Vulture editors as the best entry in our recent contest. Ktfania will receive two VIP tickets to see the one and only Britney Jean Spears when she swings through Madison Square Garden on August 24. Here's the winning entry:
A slave 4 scandal
Your Cheeto libido drives
This toxic joy ride
Thanks again to all of you who entered!
CNN just aired leaked video from Michael Jackson's last-ever rehearsal for his "This Is It" tour. The footage, shot at the Staples Center on June 24, two days before his death, shows a skinny-looking MJ doing "They Don't Care About Us," which was not one of his better-loved hits (it was that "Jew me, sue me" song that caused an uproar in 1996, back when song lyrics could still cause uproars). But, hey, maybe "Beat It" will leak soon too.
There was only one pesky thing getting in the way of the proposed partnership between Michael Bay and James Frey. And no, it wasn't a piece of legislation outlawing two of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse from working on a project together (although we hear there is growing support for just such a bill on the Hill). Rather, it was the fact that a publisher had yet to acquire the rights to the proposed series. Well, consider that hurdle, um, hurdled: The North American rights have been sold to HarperCollins Children's Books for an undisclosed sum. [NYT]
Photo: Getty Images
Things are a little quieter on the MJ front this afternoon, but here's everything important:
• Anderson Cooper has heroically managed to track down Bubbles, Michael Jackson's monkey who once nearly ate poor Rashida Jones. The chimpanzee is now 26 years old and living in an animal sanctuary in Florida. Bubbles has been there since 2005 and a worker says Jackson never once came to visit. This is the saddest thing we have ever heard. [Buzzfeed]
• Roger Friedman reported this earlier, but it's since been confirmed: Jackson's funeral will take place next Tuesday at 10 a.m. at the Staples Center. You won't get in. [ET]
• According to former Sony Music CEO Tommy Mottola, the King of Pop left behind "dozens and dozens of songs that did not end up on his albums." We hope not too many are duets with Paul McCartney. [MTV]
Tagline: "Some couples have it all, some have lost it, and some will do anything to get it back."
Translation: Are the couples they're referring to of the male-male or male-female variety?
The Verdict: Although Judd Apatow generally receives most of the credit (blame?) for ushering in this new era of cinematic bromance, we would posit an argument that the seeds for this movement were planted in 1996's Swingers. Even though the movie soared to popularity based on the strength of its legendary catchphrases, the linchpin of Jon Favreau's screenplay was the bond between Mikey and Trent. We mention this because Favreau also wrote the script for Couples Retreat, which marks the first time that he has tread this ground since Apatow's romantically stunted man-children took over the cinema. This film, which stars Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, and Kristin Davis (among others), looks like it's trying to put a spotlight on the various stages that male/female relationships go through. That said, we have an ominous feeling sweeping over us that the moral of this particular story is gravitating closer to "bros before hos" than "true love conquers all."
"Are you kidding me? He bit a hole in my daughter’s hand! Rashida’s hand. Rashida Jones — did you see I Love You, Man? That’s my daughter. She was a little girl. And Bubbles bit her hand. Michael used to bring [boa constrictor] Muscles and Bubbles by the house all the time, you know." —Quincy Jones on Michael Jackson's monkey [Details via Golden Fiddle/Tumblr]
"You're on a broom for a long time, like a few hours at a go. You're literally sitting on a broom and it gets a little bit sore down under a bit. It's been fun, but it's quite hard work." —Rupert Grint on the consequences of Quidditch [MTV]
Photo: Getty Images
While the Senegalese singer Youssou N’Dour is certainly the most famous singer in Africa, in the U.S., he’s probably still best known for his duets with Peter Gabriel (“In Your Eyes,” “Shaking the Tree”) and Neneh Cherry (“Seven Seconds”) and his collaborations with the likes of Paul Simon and Bruce Springsteen. But given the runaway success of Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi’s new documentary Youssou N’Dour: I Bring What I Love (currently playing at Village East Cinemas and opening in L.A. this week), the 49-year-old Grammy-winning activist, singer-songwriter, producer, and sometime actor, whose infectiously eclectic, pop-inspired music has long been a staple of many world-music compilations, may finally gain the greater exposure he deserves. N’Dour recently took time to answer Vulture’s questions.
"We had never had such intimate parts of our lives exposed before in public." 
Are you on the hunt for an audio system that sounds even tinnier than your iPod earbuds? If so, you might want to try out these Optimus Prime speakers, which will set you back a cool $50. If you're keeping track at home, every pair of these that sell will net Michael Bay $4. [Topless Robot]
The aftershocks of an unprecedented week on the pop charts have left their mark on the SoS Power Rankings. While the twin-headed Hydra that is the Black Eyed Peas’ “Boom Boom Pow” and “I Gotta Feeling” continues to rule, Michael Jackson’s posthumous assault on the charts and radio has introduced a song that was not released this summer — or this decade, for that matter: “Billie Jean,” the second single from 1982’s Thriller, is this week’s Biggest Gainer.
We’ve been hearing an impressive array of MJ tunes out of car stereos and apartments — Jacksons’ radio airplay did jump 1735% last week, after all — but it’s “Billie Jean” that has officially been the most played. When all is said and done it’ll surely be “Thriller” that is held up as Jackson’s crowning achievement, but considering that so much of that song’s legacy is tied to its video, it makes sense that a shorter, harder song like “Billie Jean” would break away from the pack in the immediate aftermath. Plus, everybody loves to do the lighted-up-tiles dance. Surely the ubiquity of “Billie Jean” and MJ material in general will fade in the coming weeks, but it’s nice to see the kind of impact it’s had so far.
If you thought medium-expensive star vehicles were the only things the broke studios were nixing from their budgets these days, well then you were completely wrong, you idiot. Variety remarks this morning on the dearth of niche movie pickups this year by specialty divisions, with only Sony Pictures Classics, IFC Films, and Magnolia really buying anything, while the typically reliable Fox Searchlight has acquired only one movie (Adam) since The Wrestler last fall. Semi-surprisingly, Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is still without American distribution, even though it stars Heath Ledger, whose last movie won him an Oscar and made a billion dollars. So it's fairly safe to say that by this time next year, the only movies playing in your local multiplex will be in 3-D and star Paul Blart fighting transformers.
Studios ignore niche pics [Variety]
Benglis, without her little friend.
In 1974, artist Lynda Benglis found a way around Artforum’s strict policy against purchasing editorial space and bought a centerfold to accompany a story about her work. The left page had the artist’s name and that of her gallery, Paula Cooper, against a black background; the right showed Benglis naked, hair slicked back, body oiled and orange, and inserting a giant two-headed dildo into her vagina. Feminists spoke out both for and against the artist, Artforum subscriptions were canceled, and five of the magazine’s associate editors quit in outrage. Chelsea’s Susan Inglett gallery is currently showing an exhibition, curated by Specific Object/David Platzker, of some choice relics from the controversy (and one involving an equally notorious S&M-themed poster featuring artist Robert Morris), including one of the cast-metal dildos Benglis made to represent each editor who quit because of her. But most amusing by far are the absurd letters to the editor that never made it into the magazine. Here follow excerpts from five of our favorites.
"Many thanks for finally printing something outside of your normal drivel."
Photo: Courtesy of Fox Searchlight
When the trailers for 500 Days of Summer and Where the Wild Things Are hit the Internet earlier this year, hipsters everywhere experienced a collective indiegasm of Peter Northian proportions. This reaction was not altogether unexpected, as the former featured Boner Party muse Zooey Deschanel crooning along to the achy emo anthem "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out," and the latter was triumphantly scored with Arcade Fire's "Wake Up." However, as marketers at Fox Searchlight and Warner Bros. are figuring out, it's much easier to get disaffected hipsters to blog about their trailers than it is to get them to spend $11 to purchase a movie ticket. Call it the Williamsburg Conundrum.
"We need to take the vague buzz and turn it into a specific buzz."
Julie White is seemingly everywhere right now, appearing in Twelfth Night, this summer's Shakespeare in the Park production, as well as in last weekend's surprise art-house hit Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. As fans of White's Tony-winning theatrical work, in addition to her acting on the criminally underappreciated, ahead-of-its time sitcom Cavemen, we'd leap at any chance to talk to her — and we did when we ran into her following a performance of Night last week. White spoke to Vulture about her Transformers co-stars and how Michael Bay would improve on Shakespeare.
Photo: Getty Images
We so called this! Hot on the heels of his acclaimed hosting of last month's Tony awards, Neil Patrick Harris is in advanced talks with CBS and the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences to emcee September 20's Emmys, reports Variety. Harris will bring to the job a near-unparalleled aptitude for performing off-color (yet classy) musical numbers, as well as a slew of hilarious catchphrases. Variety notes that the How I Met Your Mother star also hosted this year's TV Land Awards and the Writers Guild Awards ceremony, and we feel much safer knowing there's someone practiced and ready to go in case anything should ever happen to Hugh Jackman.
Neil Patrick Harris hopping to Emmys [Variety]
Congratulations are in order this morning to Kevin Jonas, who last night announced plans to lose his virginity. The move will first require him to wed his girlfriend of two years, Danielle Deleasa, to whom he proposed yesterday morning. [People]
According to Roger Friedman, Michael Jackson's funeral is set for Tuesday at 10 a.m. at the Staples Center and is also expected to make use of the neighboring Nokia Theatre. Additionally, video screens will be provided for the millions of people who don't make it inside. We'd feel bad about not being able to make it to Los Angeles, but we're pretty sure traffic will be backed up to Manhattan anyway. [Showbiz 411/HR]
Gaming: The Atari video game Asteroids has been purchased by Universal following a four-studio bidding war. As you'll recall if you enjoy fun, the game consists of a triangle shooting at asteroids moving vertically down the screen — and that's it. So, guys, if you need a hand with that screenplay or anything … [HR]
Calendar Switch-Up: Sony has shifted its 2010 lineup, bumping Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups — the reunion comedy co-starring Chris Rock and Kevin James — from March back to June 25 in a move emulating the release tactics of this year’s The Hangover. That means Seth Rogen’s The Green Hornet, which was slated to go on the 25th, is moving back to July 9th. Adjust your 2010 day planners accordingly! [Variety]
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Nine
Did You Hear About the Morgans? Premiere
A Little Night Music Opening
Premiere of It’s Complicated
VEVO Launch Party
Doctor Parnassus Screening
Michael Cera, Prince of the Innocent Adolescent
The Rise of P.S.1’s New Boss, Klaus Biesenbach
David Edelstein on Sherlock Holmes
The View From W. Eugene Smith’s Window
