From now until something displaces last year's "Umbrella" from the top of our iTunes most-played list, Vulture will be judging the contenders for this year's Song of the Summer.

N.E.R.D., "Everybody Nose"
The lead single from N.E.R.D.'s forthcoming Seeing Sounds — the follow-up to 2004's underrated, not-bad Fly or Die — already has a remix featuring Kanye and this Last Night's Party–inspired video starring Lindsay Lohan and a guy in a nose costume. Sadly, though, we can confidently tell you that this shouty non-chorus paired with a semi-obnoxious horn sample will probably not be the next "Crazy in Love." Purportedly a comment on club culture and illicit behavior in bathrooms (or something), the hookless "Everybody Nose" manages the impressive feat of being almost as annoying as a lavatory full of people high on cocaine (when you really have to go!). If this truly is the song of the summer, then put us on record as being excited for October.

That's right — "Sally Forth." The comic strip you don't read about the funny working mom and her husband. "Sally Forth" dropped some Vampire Weekend on its readers yesterday. The only reason we didn't include this momentous event in our post charting the upcoming Vampire Weekend backlash was that it seemed too far-fetched. Nevertheless: Things are humming right along for the Upper West Side Sowetans, aren't they?

At least I’m still cooler than Sally [Comics Curmudgeon]

Earlier: What to Expect From the Upcoming Vampire Weekend Backlash

Collider has a review of a rough cut of M. Night Shyamalan's forthcoming The Happening (due on June 13), and, while there may still be a few bugs to work out ("The Happening is a terrible, terrible movie.… I'm saying this with no hyperbole, but Mark Wahlberg might very well give the worst performance I've ever seen in anything"), it appears that Shyamalan has finally outdone himself. The plot follows an estranged couple (Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel) fighting to survive a devastating environmental crisis — a neurotoxin is released in the American northeast that makes everyone spontaneously attempt violent suicide. But who's responsible for the deadly gas? That's the scariest part! See an exclusive photo of The Happening's terrifying villain after the jump! (Warning: spoilers ahead.)

"I'll never fuck with no more coke. It's not about the bad high; it's just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out." —Lil Wayne, in Vulture's Quote Machine

"Has said that she does not enjoy clubbing or drinking very often, citing the latter's effects on one's skin." —Vulture's "The New Goody-Goodies" slideshow, on Amanda Bynes

Ever wonder what that bear in Tony’s backyard really meant on The Sopranos? Or whether Tony died in the finale? Or who the hell Kevin Finnerty was? Well, over Memorial Day weekend, a symposium at Fordham University will try to clear those things up, along with plenty of other things you didn’t even know confused you about David Chase’s complex show. Presentations include “Comfortably Numb? The Sopranos, New Brutalism and the Last Temptation of Chris,” “‘When It Comes to Daughters, All Bets Are Off’: Meadow Soprano and the Question of Familial Determinism in The Sopranos,” and “‘Blabbermouth Cunts’: The Sopranos and the Feminist Dilemma.” (We can guarantee you that last one wasn’t in the course catalog when we were a student at Fordham.) Most of the speakers are college professors — surely the cool ones from their respective schools who showed movies in class instead of assigning actual academic reading. We're considering checking the symposium out — it's free and open to the public. Sadly, though, we’ve read the list of talks twice (which took forever, by the way), and none of these academics dare answer the one thing we really want to know: Seriously, what happened with the Russian? —Joe DeLessio

Sopranos Symposium at Fordham University, Final Program [Paul Levinson's Infinite Regress]

Kanye West's "Glow in the Dark" tour finally hits Madison Square Garden tonight, and We. Are. Pumped. As everyone knows, MSG is the movie-trilogy third installment of live-music venues, the one you save all your most ridiculous ideas for. But Kanye's already insane (his stage show features a talking spaceship), which means the theoretical ceiling of outlandishness for tonight's show does not exist. And while lighting gimmickry and spittle-filled rants are great and all, what we're particularly excited for is the prospect of bonkers guest appearances, culled from Kanye's lengthy rotating cast of friends and collaborators. Who might show up tonight? Vulture plays oddsmaker after the jump!

A year ago, Sotheby's sold a major work by Robert Rauschenberg, Photograph, for $9.5 million — the highest ever paid for a Rauschenberg, but slightly below the house's estimate of $10–$15 million. Tomorrow night the house will auction off another major Rauschenberg, the silkscreen-oil Overdrive, again with an estimate of $10–$15 million. What effect will Rauschenberg's death have on the sale of Overdrive, and the four other Rauschenberg works the house has up for bid this week? Forgive us for living up to our blog's title, but will there be a feeding frenzy for the five pieces? We could see Overdrive easily making the low range of its estimate and setting a new record for the artist. If it does, we wonder what the mischievous Rauschenberg would have thought of this kind of response to his death.

Earlier: Robert Rauschenberg Dies at 82

On Sunday, rival studios accused Warner Bros. of inflating their box-office estimates for Speed Racer just to save themselves the abject embarrassment of losing to Ashton Kutcher's What Happens in Vegas… — turns out the allegations were true! WB claimed the brain-pummeling kids' movie took in $20.2 million between Friday and Sunday, but now, after all receipts have been counted, we find out that it made only $18.5 million, compared with Vegas' undisputed $20.1 million.

So not only did the Wachowski brothers' nightmarish live-action cartoon make back just a fraction of its $160 million budget in its opening weekend, but it also lost to the guy who played the titular dude in Dude, Where's My Car? and got caught trying to cover it up (which is actually pretty reasonable, we suppose). God, how embarrassing. Quite understandably, Emile Hirsch has already fired his agent.

'Speed Racer' Finishes Only 3rd; Facts Show Warner Bros Inflated Figures [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Emile Hirsch Exits United Talent; "Total Shocker" [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Earlier: Did Warner Bros. Inflate Estimates for ‘Speed Racer’ So They Wouldn't Lose to Ashton Kutcher?

As enthusiastic supporters of all of R. Kelly's music and 22-part video hip-hoperas, it's obviously not escaped our notice that Kellz is currently standing trial on fourteen counts of child pornography for allegedly taping himself engaged in sexual acts with a girl who, at the time, may have been as young as 13 (the girl who prosecutors claim is in the video says it's not her, and Kelly's lawyers have long maintained that his image was added using CGI, possibly by haters).

Clearly these are serious allegations and, if true, would make R. Kelly, the Man, an evil, reprehensible human, deserving of whatever prison sentence or public shaming Chicago's justice system sees fit. Not on trial, however, is R. Kelly the Artist, who's already been convicted by the court of public opinion — of being fantastic. Really, since his music is so beloved, is there really any way for anyone, say, a potential juror, to separate the man from the artist? Robert Sylvester Kelly from the guy who gave us "Ignition (Remix)"? The defendant, who faces fifteen years in prison, from the composer responsible for both "Heaven, I Need a Hug" and "I Like the Crotch on You"? No. But the attorneys and judge on the case still need to pick a twelve-member jury (with four alternates!), and they started yesterday. How's it going so far?

According to an anonymous waitress and several people drinking at a bar on a weeknight, he just might be! Acting on a tip from a Gawker reader that Banksy had stenciled something on the side of West Village pub Thunder Jacksons on Thursday ("While he was outside doing his stencil sombody [sic] asked if he was banksy and he said he was"), Animal New York's Bucky Turco went and photographed the painting. After commenters pointed out that the stenciling was actually by Nick Walker, another Bristol, England, artist with a similar vandalistic M.O., Turco spoke to a Thunder Jacksons waitress who said, "Banksy is Nick Walker, they are the same person. Oops, I don't think I was supposed to say that … He uses that identity because of visa and passport issues." She purportedly claims that the elusive shit-starting artist is going to reveal his identity soon, but not while he's in New York. "He has a whole master PR plan, but he's waiting till he leaves the country."