Photo: Getty Images

Cruise Makes Amends: Moviehole is reporting that the rumors are coming true, as Tom Cruise is in talks to star as the president in director Phillip Noyce's The 28th Amendment, written by Transformers' Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. And even though it's 99 percent definite that Cruise will be president, Hillary vows to stay in the race. [Moviehole]

Columbia Gets Goosebumps: Columbia has picked up the rights to R.L. Stine's Goosebumps, the second-best-selling young-adult series behind Harry Potter. According to Scholastic's Deborah Forte, "the first generation of Goosebumps' fans are in their early 20s now," which makes us feel stupid for being so old and having read every single one. The biggest challenge facing the adaptation will be re-creating those irksome chapter-break cliffhangers every five minutes. [Variety]

Photo: Getty Images

Point Break, Too: Speaking of ridiculous updates of early-nineties stories, Jan De Bont will direct the sequel to 1991's Point Break, Point Break: Indo. We can only hope that the sequel offers the same thoughtful critique of the Bush administration that the first film did of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. [HR]

Bruckheimer Pays Increments: Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer have picked up the rights to David Ignatius's The Increment, the story of British undercover intelligence agents and a weapons scientist defecting from Iran. Variety calls it a "geopolitical thriller," which sounds more like Disney's making Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?, a movie we're not entirely opposed to seeing. [Variety]

Photo: Getty Images

Rapaport Goes to Prison: Michael Rapaport, the heart and soul of New York City, has joined Fox's Prison Break. In a recurring role, he'll play a government agent with a tantalizing offer for Michael and his brother. Our guess is Rapaport offers them a DVD box set of Boston Legal. [HR]

Chipmunks Redux: Allllllllllvinnnnnnnnnnnnn! Fox just announced a sequel to Alvin and the Chipmunks, and though Jason Lee is not yet attached, you can bet he'll sign when the dump truck of money arrives at his house. The whole thing kind of makes us want to commit suiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicide! [Variety]

Photo: Getty Images

Stoltz Goes to Battle: Eric Stoltz will star opposite Esai Morales in Sci Fi's Caprica, the Battlestar Galactica prequel. Stoltz will play Daniel Graystone, a rich engineer who, after a family disaster, uses his "technological wizardry to forever change the future of Caprica." Stoltz has been busy lately, now that he's pretty sure he can't get replaced by Michael J. Fox. [HR]

Portman Skips Brontë: Natalie Portman has left Wuthering Heights owing to scheduling conflicts (possibly an inability to learn semaphore?). Portman was one of the driving forces behind Heights, which makes her departure a little weird, like if Bush had resigned the night before we invaded Iraq. [Variety]

Photo: Getty Images

Payne Is Hung: In a stroke of genius, HBO has tapped Sideways' Alexander Payne to direct its dark comedy, Hung. Payne is perfect to direct the story of a well-endowed middle-aged man who changes his life once he starts using his, to quote Variety, "best asset." Our sick-minded friend thinks they might be talking about his penis! Wait, what? [Variety]

Verbinski Gets Shocked: It's Universal's turn to ask the age-old question, "Is it possible to make an Ayn Rand–inspired, Art Deco zombie movie?" To find out, they've optioned the video-game hit, Bioshock, with Gore Verbinski attached to direct. Sweeney Todd's John Logan is in talks to write the script, so it's pretty clear they're taking this seriously. It seems everyone learned a lesson from the botching of Microsoft's Halo, a deal so moronic that their script delivery boys dressed up as Master Chief. [ Variety]

Photo: Scott Suchman

Knoxville is a Fruitcake: Johnny Knoxville and Parker Posey will star in John Waters's Christmas movie, Fruitcake. Story centers on a runaway boy named Fruitcake and a runaway girl raised by two gay men. Sounds fun, but we're crossing our fingers that this one never becomes a musical. [HR]

Two for 500: Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt will star in 500 Days of Summer for Fox Searchlight. Story follows a guy who falls desperately in love with a woman who doesn't believe in love. Sure, she says that now, but wait till she sees him in G.I. Joe. [Variety]

Photo: WireImage

Trio Heads South: Josh Hartnett, Ben Kingsley, and Eva Mendes will star in Queen of the South, an adaptation of Arturo Perez Reverte's bestseller about a female Mexican drug smuggler bent on avenging her lover's death. We're pretty sure her lover was killed by vampires, but we might be mixing this up with Queen of the Damned. [Variety]

Making Mountains Out of Hills: In a diplomatic fiasco of Cuban Missile Crisis proportions, negotiations have broken down and apparently Jonah Hill won't be playing Shia LaBeouf's roommate in Transformers 2. You better sit by your phone and start praying, Andy Milonakis. [EW]

Courtesy of Marvel and Paramount

Bruckheimer and Bay, Cowboys: It's by no means official or even close to happening, but we still want to point out the amazing possibility that Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay might team up on a project called Cocaine Cowboys. Good joke, reality. Our work here is done. [Variety]

Three Hunt Peacock: Bill Pullman, Susan Sarandon, and Josh Lucas have joined Mandate's psychological thriller Peacock, the story of a mystery woman who appears in a small Nebraska town when a train crashes into someone's backyard. Location, location, location. [HR]

Photo: Getty Images

Do It Yourself: This weekend at San Francisco's Maker Faire, Lee David Zlotoff announced his intention to develop a big-budget MacGyver movie. Zlotoff created the series and claims he ended up with the movie rights, which sounds a little dodgy. Zlotoff will begin shooting soon using a camera made of a staple gun, a clove of garlic, and a pair of bifocals. [Gizmodo]

Lil Patriot: Lil Wayne will star in the Weinstein Company's Patriots, joining Forest Whitaker and Bow Wow. True story follows high-school basketball players from five different schools who are united as one team after Hurricane Katrina, and then they reach the state championships. Seriously? Just summarizing this made us cry. [Billboard]

Photo: Getty Images

Zellweger Finds Proof: Renee Zellweger will executive produce Living Proof, an original movie for Lifetime. She wrangled her Chilled in Miami co-star, Harry Connick Jr., to play the lead: a doctor who develops a breast cancer drug and must fight to push it through drug trials so he can save the lives of thousands of women. Seriously Lifetime, just put this puppy on loop cause it don't get any better than this, ladies. [HR]

Mendes Mixes it Up: Maggie Gyllenhaal will replace Toni Collette in Sam Mendes's untitled relationship comedy, the one written by Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida, the one that might actually be funny. We can already imagine the McSweeney's version of the news: Other People or Things That Could Replace Toni Collette and An Open Letter to Maggie Gyllenhaal From Toni Collette's Old Trailer. [Variety]