Gaiman and Claire Danes at the Stardust premiere.Photo: Getty Images

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

Neil Gaiman's legions of fans are looking forward to today's release of Stardust, based on Gaiman's beloved novella, with a mixture of eagerness and dread. The good news is that even if director Matthew Vaughn totally screwed upStardust, Gaiman has about a million more novels, comics, screenplays, and stories ready for adaptation. Where does the prolific Gaiman come up with his ideas? He answers this question, the most despised of all questions authors get asked every day, in quite a funny essay, originally written in 1997. "Where Do You Get Your Ideas?" is today's Weekend Read.

Where Do You Get Your Ideas? [NeilGaiman.com]

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

With Becoming Jane, starring Anne Hathaway as a young Jane Austen, coming out this week, we've been remembering some of the wonderful Austen novels we've read over the years. While we're not going to suggest that you head off and read Sense and Sensibility this weekend — who has the time when the "Sunday Styles" section is so long? — we recommend just a taste of Jane in Anne Hathaway's honor.

How about a breeze through Austen's History of England, written as a lark when she was a teenager, and full of nineteenth-century one-liners like this one on Edward IV: "This Monarch was famous only for his Beauty & his Courage, of which the Picture we have here given of him, & his undaunted Behaviour in marrying one Woman while he was engaged to another, are sufficient proofs." It's a helpful reminder that even the greatest writers were at one time goofy teenagers convinced they knew it all.

Jane Austen's History of England [UChicago.edu]
Earlier: Jane Austen, Carrie Bradshaw, and Anne Hathaway's Fruitless Pursuit of Co-eds

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

Have you about had it up to here with wizards, muggles, Quidditch, Horcruxes, and all the lot? Do you think the editors of this blog need to start acting like grown-ups and stop extolling a children's book? While it seems the culture at large is obsessed with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, at least two important voices agree with you, standing firm at the walls of literature: British novelist A.S. Byatt and literary critic Harold Bloom. In famous essays, one from the Times and one from The Wall Street Journal, the two complain that the J.K. Rowling's series is poorly written, derivative, and encourages infantilism in popular culture. "Can more than 35 million book buyers, and their offspring, be wrong?" Bloom asks. "Yes, they have been, and will continue to be for as long as they persevere with Potter."

Meanwhile, Slate's Chris Suellentrop wrote the definitive Harry Potter character assassination in 2002, with his perfectly headlined piece, "Harry Potter: Pampered Jock, Patsy, Fraud." For Potter haters everywhere, these three articles are your Weekend Read.

Harry Potter and the Childish Adult [Countercurrents reprint of NYT]
Can 35 Million Book Buyers Be Wrong? Yes. [Syracuse.edu reprint of WSJ]
Harry Potter: Pampered Jock, Patsy, Fraud [Slate]

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

We've loved Elizabeth McCracken ever since her first novel, The Giant's House, surprised us back in 1996 with its original take on the well-worn genre of Librarian Falls in Love With Giant. Since 2001's Niagara Falls All Over Again, we've waited patiently for another book from the inventive writer. Luckily, McCracken's also an excellent short-story writer, and her story "The House of the Two Three-Legged Dogs," which appeared in the spring 2007 issue of Zoetrope: All-Story, is a hilarious and sad tale of an English couple stuck with their innumerable animals in a monstrous old house in rural France. Trapped amid three-legged dogs, four-legged dogs, and 50 budgies, Tony and Izzy try to come to terms with their betrayal at the hands of Tony's alcoholic son. With memorable one-liners and rich characterization — and a tragically absurd ending — "The House of the Two Three-Legged Dogs" is this week's Weekend Read.

The House of the Two Three-Legged Dogs [Zoetrope: All-Story]

Ann PatchettCourtesy of AnnPatchett.com

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

Ann Patchett is the author of one of the best novels we've read in the past five years, Bel Canto, as well as the lovely memoir Truth & Beauty and the upcoming novel Run. So when we heard about her short essay in The Washington Post Magazine, "The Wall," our first response was surprise that such a gentle and funny writer once attempted to qualify for the Los Angeles Police Academy. But, following in her father's footsteps, Patchett did, and the resultant story of unexpected success is harrowing and exceptionally well told. "The Wall" is today's Weekend Read.

The Wall [WP]

Christian WimanCourtesy of Copper Canyon Press

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

A year ago Christian Wiman, a brilliant poet and the editor of Poetry magazine, was diagnosed with incurable cancer on his 39th birthday. His short memoir "Gazing Into the Abyss" appears in the current issue of The American Scholar, and Wiman's writing is remarkable for both its toughness in the face of difficult times and its vulnerability to the power of deep emotion. The specter of death has brought Wiman closer to his new wife and to his faith, and as a result the story isn't a depressing one but instead a bracing, thought-provoking one. "Gazing Into the Abyss" is this week's Weekend Read.

Gazing Into the Abyss [The American Scholar]

Courtesy of Knopf

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

The trial for production genius turned alleged homicidal maniac Phil Spector continues apace (he's accused of murdering actress Lana Clarkson at his mansion in Los Angeles in 2003), and the news coverage is somewhat lacking in colorful historical detail. To fill in the holes, obsessives need look no further than Mick Brown's excellent recent Spector biography, Tearing Down The Wall of Sound: The Rise and Fall of Phil Spector. Just weeks before Spector was arrested, Brown scored a rare interview with the reclusive industry legend, the details of which are recounted in this juicy excerpt from the book, in USA Today. Read, and enjoy. —Sara Cardace

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

Mere Anarchy, Woody Allen's first collection of short stories in 25 years, hits stores this week, but you can be forgiven if you're hesitant to part ways with your hard-earned cash just yet. In honor of the nebbishy wordsmith's latest effort, we present Allen's short story "The Kugelmass Episode," which won the coveted O. Henry Award in 1978. The light-fantastical tale chronicles the mishaps of a man named Kugelmass who kicks off a real-time love affair with Madame Bovary with the aid of a time-traveling box created by a magician named Persky the Great.

"You're sure this is safe?" Kugelmass asks, with trepidation. "Safe. Is anything safe in this crazy world?" responds Persky, a question that will resonate with readers today just as it did, somewhat famously, back then. And to those still utterly convinced that they're not Woody Allen fans, we can only say: If you've only seen his movies, you only know half the story.

"The Kugelmass Episode" [Woody Allen Fan Site]

Related: You Were Expecting Maybe Tragedy? [NYT]

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

With David Milch's new series, John From Cincinnati, premiering on HBO this Sunday, we had a hankering to read Mark Singer's ridiculously thorough and well-written profile of Milch, published in The New Yorker in 2005. Luckily, Eustace Tilly and Co. just posted the story online, so Mark Singer's "The Misfit" is today's Weekend Read.

Following Milch from his early days on Hill Street Blues to the genesis of his classic series Deadwood, "The Misfit" highlights Milch's genius dialogue, his addictions, and his willingness to buck the TV system in a way most writers don't dare. In one telling moment, Milch, struggling to open a pack of Advil, is offered a knife by a cowboy on-set. “No, thank you, Hawkeye,” Milch says. “Believe me, in a life filled with mistakes, this is one I don’t need.”

"The Misfit" [The New Yorker]

Every Friday Vulture finds a great story that's a little too long to read on the computer screen. Fiction, long-form narrative journalism, epic blog sagas — any of these could be your Weekend Read. Print it out on the office printer, smuggle it home, and curl up with it after brunch.

This week's Literary Idol extravaganza introduced six "Stars of Tomorrow," talented writers whose teachers pegged them for future success. We presented you with excerpts of their writings and — yes, we already admitted it was tacky — asked you to vote for your favorite. "I write every day," 36-year-old Maaza Mengiste told us. "No matter how bad I think it is, I put it down on paper." If her current lead — 37 percent — is any indication, she's being modest. So for this week's Weekend Read, we're asking her to share a little more about herself through an autobiographical nonfiction piece. In "Cheetahs Under Fire," Mengiste gives us a window to her childhood in Africa: "I knew the smell of a discharged gun," she writes, "I grew accustomed to the nightly rounds of gunfire outside our door, I learned not to answer when soldiers came in the night and asked me about one of my uncles, assuming a three-year-old girl held no secrets." We promise you'll be moved by her words, but we're hardly playing favorites — that's your job. Check out all the contestants and vote for the next "It" author. The polls close at 9 a.m. Tuesday.

"Cheetahs Under Fire" [Dragon Fire]

The Stars of Tomorrow [NYM]