Considering that we're living through a moment in which the entire fashion industry is taking a hit for whether its models are unhealthily skinny, we were very surprised to see that the organizers of Fashion Week have a very urgent message for us writer types: We're fat.

As we rooted through the swag bags distributed at the Bryant Park tents to members of the media, we were amused and a tad horrified to see that, mixed among a pair of socks and a beer glass, we'd received a giant container of NV rapid weight-loss pills, emblazoned with the manufacturer's mental bitch-slap of a slogan: "Be desired." An anti-stress treatment came in the same bag and boasted on the back that it's also "the perfect answer to belly fat."

Just to be clear: The ratio of lip gloss to Put Down the Sandwich Because You're a Whale freebies is officially even, and we're perceived as a bunch of lager-swilling obese stress cases with chilly feet. We strenuously object; only three of those things are true. —The Fug Girls