The buzz at last night’s Vivienne Westwood show was that there wasn’t any. The show marked the dame’s first runway appearance in her hometown of London after an absence of nine years, and it was tipped as the show of the London season. Whispers about which celebrity guests the Grandmother of British Fashion would be hosting on her catwalk were running high, and the rumor mill ground so persistently that several papers picked up the story that the Grandmother of British Models, Kate Moss, was walking in the show as indisputable fact.

Alas, it was all a disappointing game of operator. So disappointing, in fact, that we, along with the entire audience at Viv’s show, sat with bated breath long after the last model had disappeared. The Grande Dame of punk, we were sure, was about to hit us with a one-two-punch finale — Kate, Naomi, the Queen Mum? As we waited, our collective imaginations raced.

We’re still waiting.

Slowly, a smattering of applause broke out as it dawned on the crowd that their hopes of seeing anything interesting on the runway were dashed. The collection, her more affordable Red Label diffusion line, had been a bit of a snore, and the paltry celebrity attendance was mostly of the “daughters of” variety. Rod Stewart, Ozzy Osbourne, Bob Geldof, and Keith Allen’s girls were all there: Kimberly, Kelly, Peaches, Pixie, and Lily, respectively. (Lily seems to be recovering well from her miscarriage. Grief does a body good apparently, as she was looking mighty svelte and channeling a Penélope Cruz vibe.)

Actually, we suppose there was one truly bizarre moment: For whatever universe-bending reason, Cuba Gooding Jr. was in attendance. Even more appalling, a paparazzo actually demanded that the star “show him the money.” —Sarah Maslin Nir

Watch a slideshow of the Vivienne Westwood Red Label collection.