We've managed to sit through almost all of the first episode of Rachel Zoe's new reality show, The Rachel Zoe Project. Before you judge us, do know we did not accomplish this all in one sitting. Good ol' Bravo is rerunning it, like, every two hours, so over the course of a few days we've caught different bits in reruns. We were reasonably entertained in the first sitting. Bravo knows what its doing when it comes to reality TV, after all. But by the third sitting, we'd decided Zoe just isn't a very captivating individual, nor do we find her life as portrayed in the show that titillating. We also concluded her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Especially when she says "I die … I die. I die. I die. I die." The Guardian's Hadley Freeman sums up the program exquisitely:

[Zoe's] inevitable reality-TV show launched this week in the US, called The Rachel Zoe Project, a title which is pleasingly similar to The Blair Witch Project. So that's what was out there! It was Rachel's Missoni kaftan that was making that rustling noise in the woods.

And, indeed, there is much to be scared of here. Rachel's use of the English language is chillingly death-centred ("I die"; "She kills it"; "Die! Die! Die!" = Good; "Are you kidding?" = Bad) … Even scarier, though, is the revelation that Zoe is, bien sur, branching out into fashion design "so my name can be, like, everywhere. I die!" But most terrifying of all is when Zoe, who in this month's Harper's Bazaar admits that she often doesn't eat more than a grapefruit in a whole day, muses, "When am I going to have time to have a baby?" Quick, Dorothy, throw the water!

Hadley Freeman, we heart you.

You kill us, Rachel, you totally kill us [Guardian]