I promise to honor, defend, periodically polish.Photo: Courtesy W Magazine

Lacking a summer blockbuster to drop on your head, Bruce Willis, 54, has offered up a somewhat kinky magazine editorial and interview with his new wife, Emma Heming, 32, shot by Steven Klein for the latest issue of W. The special effects are awesome! Trapped in the still-curing bowels of the Standard Hotel, the bride and groom contort and glower wearing Nina Ricci, Tom Ford, and, at times, little more than their own Lucian Freud–toned hides. The accompanying article on how the pair met and married is actually fairly adorable in places (cuter even than that shot of Bruce wearing those darling red gloves as he grips his head in agony). The candy-sweet text and the chilly carnality of the pictures cancel each other out nicely, even if our initial reaction reminds us of when we found out our parents used to go to key parties. Certainly, we'll never look at David Addison in quite the same way again.

Photo: Steven Klein

Bruce & Emma Willis: Honeymoon Hotel [W Magazine]