With Fashion Week in full swing, our attention (along with Ms. Wintour’s) has been diverted somewhat from the action at the U.S. Open. But Guy Trebay of the Times has focused his biting fashion critiques on the court. He brazenly declares that the ball boys — Polo Ralph Lauren — are better dressed than the players, who “tend to dress like clowns.” Attempting to upstage one’s opponent in the style department is nothing new to tennis; nonetheless, Trebay hurls some pretty amusing barbs in his tirade.

Caroline Wozniacki’s ruffled frocks “look like [she is] auditioning for the Ice Capades,” Anna Kounikova’s metallic skirts scream “Star Trek convention,” and Serena Williams favors “Purple-People Eater outfits.” Turning his critical eye on the men, Rafael Nadal sports a “goony sweatband” and “ill-fitted” shorts that ride up inconveniently. (Apparently, some people don’t share the same appreciation that we do.) Trebay gamely takes a pass at Federer’s all-black ensemble (“as if play after sunset called for a tennis equivalent of a dinner jacket”), but it falls flat — in a crowd of neon, Swarovski crystals, muscle tees, and color-coordinated wristbands, it’s hard to knock basic black, even for a professional critic.