While most folks happily prepare for their holiday weekends, culinary curmudgeon Steve Cuozzo is thinking about everything he hates about the restaurant world, starting with what we like to call glamburgers — hamburgers made with luxury ingredients like Wagyu beef. He also comes out against menu shout-outs to star-mers like the ones at Satur Farms, and doesn’t hesitate to name specific offenders — the rubbery octopus at Allegretti, the “Japanese maze” of a menu at Matsugen, absentee chefs like Marcus Samuelsson, and the foreign-language menu at Peasant. We’d also like to yank some folks off the crowded pork-belly bandwagon (the trend only seems to have strengthened since Platt declared that it jumped the shark). Leave your own pet peeves in the comments.

Ex-Cuozzo Me! [NYDN]