It’s Friday, so what the hell, we’re going to indulge this non–New York story: “A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger … The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face.” For comedic purposes, we’re going to assume that no one was harmed in this Big Mac attack and that the couple was just having some “beef.” So, choose a punch line, folks:

(a) This gives new meaning to “burger bash”!
(b) We’re guessing they put the guy in the “patty wagon”!
(c) That’s a real “open-faced sandwich”!
(d) The official charge: “assault with a deadly Whopper”!

And bonus drink-toss pun: “This marriage is looking very ‘shaky…’”

Heh. Scott Rose, we’re looking to you for more … And for some local burger-related crime, see here.

Woman Attacked With Burger, Police Say [AP]