Bad pasta, deafening noise … it's a two-star review for Bar Milano from Frank Bruni, the latest critic to forgive the place for what would ordinarily be fatal flaws in an Italian restaurant. Oh, and the desserts were weak too. But between the room, the entrées, and the drink program, the place somehow scratched out a second star. [NYT]

Lauren Collins is the latest (but probably not the last) critic to put the hurt on Ago, and hits all the points which we've become accustomed to hearing about – the bad food, the snotty service, the preposterous vibe. Can Ago really be that much worse than Bar Milano? Apparently so. [NYer]

Meanwhile, over at the Post, Steve Cuozzo hits Brasserie 44 at the Royalton hard, not for the food (which he really liked) but for the “losers lounge” that is the hotel lobby. Cuozzo seems to take the design deficiencies in the place almost personally: You would think that they had built over his childhood home. [NYP]

In giving both Gottino and Terroir single-star reviews, Frank Bruni probably just set the fuse to a gourmet-wine-bar explosion — which, based on this review, is a good thing indeed. We only wish it had occurred to us to call Paul Grieco “evangelistic” in his wine madness. [NYT]

Danyelle Freeman finds it hard to believe that Scarpetta used to be the Village Idiot, and also difficult to express how much she loved the food there. A whopping four-star review for Scarpetta. [NYDN]

And how about this? Robert Sietsema, who joys in decrying the failings of trendy restaurants, writes an unabashed love letter to Scarpetta as well, without ever even mentioning the spaghetti with tomato sauce, the place's crowning achievement. [VV]

Note to restaurateurs: It's generally a good policy, when Frank Bruni comes into your place, not to pour wine all over the table, make him wait an hour, stick his friend behind a column, and send him waiters who don't know what's on the menu. Because that's how Ago earned a zero-star review from him. [NYT]

Alan Richman is the first major critic to file on Scarpetta and has only the most glowing things to say about Scott Conant's “refined, clean-cut, extraordinarily poised, modern Italian-American cuisine.” A big win for Scarpetta, even though Richman does call out the restaurant for being noisy. [GQ]

Restaurant Girl hits Benoit and, after paying the requisite tribute to its provenance, gets around to saying that the food there is completely unexceptional in every way. Its two stars seem like a gift. [NYDN]

The room looks great and (some) of chef Akthar Nawab's food was great, says Frank Bruni in his one-star review of Elettaria. But both falter for Bruni, who has problems with the way the space flows, and who finds the dishes ranging wildly from brilliant to total letdowns. [NYT]
Related: Restaurant Tour: Elettaria

Restaurant Girl lays three stars on Bar Milano, despite the fact that the pastas are mostly lousy, and the noise is “unbearable.” Except for that, it's great! [NYDN]

Randall Lane didn't even order any pasta but still thought the place worthy of only three stars out of six, with pushy servers and underwhelming meat dishes. [TONY]

Frank Bruni finds Eighty One to be busy, a little vain, but on the whole very good — although he wishes they would ease up with the duos and trios already. Great Bruni line of the week: “[The] oversize red velvet booths that look as if they were carted in from a bordello on some planet where the prostitutes are 12 feet tall.” [NYT]

Amanda Freitag's move from Gusto to the Harrison is now officially a success, as her first major review is a five-star job from Jay Cheshes. Cheshes loves the room and makes a point of praising the “ought-to-be-legendary duck-fat fries with lemony mayo.” [TONY]
Related: Psilakis, Freitag Simultaneously Reinvent Vinegar-Flavored French Fries

Dinner was okay in the early going for Restaurant Girl at Ago, with the pizzas and appetizers doing their job. But then the pastas and proteins came, and with them a string of adjectives — “gamey,” “salty,” “sloppy,” “oily,” and “overcooked” — that reduced the place to a single star. [NYDN]

The view at Chop Suey is worth a star in itself to Frank Bruni, which is a good thing, because the food is “an uneven mash of inspiration and clumsiness.” [NYT]

Restaurant Girl is happy to have Eighty One on the Upper West Side; if only they did a better job with seafood, she would have been able to give it more than two stars. [NYDN]

Randall Lane is done messing around. This week, South Gate feels his wrath for “mediocre” food such as “gravy sporting the kind of congealed film I associate with bad TV dinners.” Two stars (out of six)! [TONY]