Rancho Jubilee’s restrooms aren’t the only cave-themed ones. There are La Caverna’s, for instance. But for swankier digs, it’s necessary to visit Ninja. The theme restaurant’s menu is sometimes unsuccessfully derivative — the black cod doesn’t measure up to Nobu’s a few doors down — but when we discovered they’ve recently installed an automatic Toto toilet in the handicap WC, we didn’t give two shits that Morimoto did it first. These actually work!

If you’ve been to Rancho Jubilee, the totally coco-loco Dominican restaurant in the wilds of Elmhurst that’s fashioned after an over-the-top beach hut (thatch roofing, cavelike plaster ceilings, stuffed turkeys and roosters, waiters in tropical shirts), it’s probably because you had five hours to kill before a flight out of La Guardia a few blocks away and you thought you might as well spend it drinking tequila from a coconut, and then a pineapple, and then a cantaloupe, and then a flaming volcano. Does it beat drinking at the airport bar? Oh, yes. And do the bathrooms beat the ones near Gate 14? Claro que si, papi!