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Need a Good Bathroom? Grub Street's Guide to Loos You Can Use
For over a year, we tested the theory that a restaurant is only as good as its restroom by scouring the city for notable loos, ranking them with the unforgiving rigor of our five-star rating system. Always searching for the straight poop, we visited certain facilities months before their restaurants had even opened (“I didn’t know you lurked around toilets,” Park Chinois’ dismayed publicist told us), and fell in love with old favorites all over again. In these dark rooms we found jack-o-lanterns, volumes of existentialist literature, live fish, warnings against cocaine peddling, waterfalls, pachinko machines, S&M gear, and the city’s most expensive toilet. The only thing we missed was Larry Craig. We hope you enjoy the resulting compendium of loos you can use. Please put your own recommendations in the comments.
Posted 11/02/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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The Toilet at Ninja: Toto-ly Awesome!
Rancho Jubilee’s restrooms aren’t the only cave-themed ones. There are La Caverna’s, for instance. But for swankier digs, it’s necessary to visit Ninja. The theme restaurant’s menu is sometimes unsuccessfully derivative — the black cod doesn’t measure up to Nobu’s a few doors down — but when we discovered they’ve recently installed an automatic Toto toilet in the handicap WC, we didn’t give two shits that Morimoto did it first. These actually work!
Posted 09/14/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Where Are the Restrooms at wd~50? No, Seriously — Where?
It’s no secret that wd~50’s bathrooms are as byzantine as its food. Even The New Yorker’s reviewer Kevin Conley wasn’t smart enough to figure them out: “It can take minutes to realize that you have to push the wall — a Mensa-test experience so disconcerting that one diner wound up down the hall in a storeroom.” Having seen our share of hidden doors (Pukk and 44, for starters), we knew we’d be okay when we went downstairs to confront the beast.
Posted 09/07/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Where Are the Restrooms at wd~50? No, Seriously — Where?
It’s no secret that wd~50’s bathrooms are as byzantine as its food. Even The New Yorker’s reviewer Kevin Conley wasn’t smart enough to figure them out: “It can take minutes to realize that you have to push the wall — a Mensa-test experience so disconcerting that one diner wound up down the hall in a storeroom.” Having seen our share of hidden doors (Pukk and 44, for starters), we knew we’d be okay when we went downstairs to confront the beast.Posted 09/07/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Packing Heat Inside the Letrina of Rancho Jubilee
If you’ve been to Rancho Jubilee, the totally coco-loco Dominican restaurant in the wilds of Elmhurst that’s fashioned after an over-the-top beach hut (thatch roofing, cavelike plaster ceilings, stuffed turkeys and roosters, waiters in tropical shirts), it’s probably because you had five hours to kill before a flight out of La Guardia a few blocks away and you thought you might as well spend it drinking tequila from a coconut, and then a pineapple, and then a cantaloupe, and then a flaming volcano. Does it beat drinking at the airport bar? Oh, yes. And do the bathrooms beat the ones near Gate 14? Claro que si, papi!
Posted 08/24/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Fun in P.J. Clarke's Bathroom
Some things are sacred, and old-fashioned urinals are one of them. Unfortunately, outside of ones that are imported from France, the pickings are slim: You have the ones at Old Town Bar, McSorley’s, and Foley’s (the latter were lifted from the Waldorf-Astoria), but are you really going to eat at those places? When we want a nibble and a dribble, we go for a burger at one of Nat King Cole’s favorite spots, P.J. Clarke’s.
Posted 08/17/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Visiting the Pachinko Parlors at Tao
Last week we took a trip to the Far East to hit the loos at Sapa. Now let’s travel even farther east and a little bit north (Madison Avenue at 55th Street!) to Tao, an eatery that’s so authentically Pan-Asian it boasts an enormous Buddha. But then again, so does every other restaurant in town. So how is Tao to distinguish itself from Megu, Buddakan, Buddha Bar, and the rest of them? Via its restrooms, of course!
Posted 08/10/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Using the Underground Crappa at Sapa
If you’re one of the swarms of Marc Jacobs–toting girls who flood into Sapa like a Vietnamese monsoon after a long day of arranging “desk-sides,” you already know this, but the place has a great happy hour from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.: $5 specialty cocktails and martinis (and generous ones at that) mean you’ll be sloshed by nightfall. So be careful not to topple over in those Jimmy Choos when you descend the steps, flanked by gauze-covered lightbulbs, into the restrooms.
Posted 08/03/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Better Bathrooms: Bette or Butter?
Consonant rhyme isn’t the only thing Bette and Butter have in common: They’re both owned by impresarios known to cater to the Olsen twins (Amy Sacco and Richie Akiva, respectively); they both have organic, clubby interiors with big murals; and let’s face it, they’re both frequented by the sort of night creatures who know the value of a nice, private bathroom. So just how are those powder rooms?
Posted 07/27/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Admiring the Geishas in Megu’s Loo
Before Morimoto, before Buddakan, before Buddha Bar, before Megu Midtown, there was — well — Megu. Sure its star has faded (there was that sexual-harassment suit and such), but no one can argue that the $6 million interior isn't still fresh — just like the toro tartare! Look at the mirrored diorama, outside the restroom, that reflects an Oriental lamp and a flower display into infinity: Way cooler than Morimoto’s mirror installation, right? But what about the rest of the restrooms?
Posted 07/20/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Availing Ourselves of Danny Meyer's Hospeetality
Last week we noted that the once cutting-edge bathrooms of Brasserie were looking quite dull, but on the other side of 53rd Street is MoMA, a place that cultivates the sort of modernism that stands the test of time. Just step into the sexy lighting of the restrooms tucked behind the giant photomural in its ever-elegant eatery, the Modern.
Posted 07/13/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Making Sure Not to Get Caught on Camera at Brasserie
Eateries that get modernist makeovers run the risk of feeling painfully dated after a few years. Take Brasserie. Descending the illuminated glass staircase into the dining room as monitors over the gel bar stools broadcast your grand entry doesn't carry quite the same thrill these days (not least because the monitors are mostly static now). Seven years on, Brasserie is starting to look a Park Avenue dame wearing Comme des Garçons from five seasons ago. But how are the loos holding up?
Posted 07/06/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Reflecting on the Thai Toilets of Pukk and Peep
It’s no secret that Thais are fly — Thai restaurants are generally outfitted with more bells and whistles than Santa Claus directing traffic. The interior design is especially crispy in the bathrooms (see Sea), and the ones at sister eateries Pukk and Peep are no exception. We visited them both for some very chic leaks.
Posted 06/29/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Unzipping Our Flies at FR.OG
Philip Kirsh and Didier Virot probably fancied themselves the Mac to Balthazar’s PC when they opened up their new place FR.OG just a hop away from the grand ol' dame. Still, they knew that a slick design scheme and cutesy punctuation wouldn’t cut it: Had they gone up against the ’Zar without proper hardware — meaning, the restrooms — they would’ve been up shit’s creek. But we can assure you the bathrooms won’t be the reason if this place croaks.
Posted 06/22/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Breaking the Code of Silence about PDT’s WCs
We figured the new cocktail speakeasy next to Crif Dogs would have remarkable restrooms. After all, its name is PDT (Please Don’t Tell) and we’ve always had that same policy when it comes to East Village loos — you’ll certainly never hear our stories about the ones at Lit circa 2002. At least, not until you buy us a few El Diablos at this decidedly more civilized boîte. In which case, like the Strokes song goes, meet us in the bathroom.
Posted 06/15/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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The Lovely Lavies of Moto and Smith and Mills
There are restaurants we love and then there are restaurants we’re in love with — Moto has been in the latter category ever since we had our first pint of Corsendonk there. Among its myriad charms is its WC. But last week, when we visited Smith and Mills, we discovered that our heart has room for more than one restroom — and somehow we don’t feel like we’re cheating. After all, Moto’s owner John McCormick had a hand in designing Smith and Mills, so these lovely lavatories are practically sisters. Hot!
Posted 06/08/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Wild Salmon: The End-All and Pee-All?
Last week we continued our restro-spective of Jeffrey Chodorow's tinklers with a look at Ono. We half-expected Chodorow's blog to carp over our five-star review, but no — his latest entry shows that the man is still pissed off, this time at Adam Platt, whom he considers a piss-poor reviewer for handing a measly star to Wild Salmon. This got us to wondering about the restaurant's facilities.
Posted 06/01/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Wild Salmon: The End-All and Pee-All?
Last week we continued our restro-spective of Jeffrey Chodorow's tinklers with a look at Ono. We half-expected Chodorow's blog to carp over our five-star review, but no — his latest entry shows that the man is still pissed off, this time at Adam Platt, whom he considers a piss-poor reviewer for handing a measly star to Wild Salmon. This got us to wondering about the restaurant's facilities.Posted 06/01/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Ono, I Really Have to Go!
Now that we’ve brought you the steaming poop on Keith McNally’s loos, we can’t help but wonder — who are the other restroom-auteurs? The titans who dream up a new restaurant and imagine themselves walking into its grand opening on a red carpet of double-ply? There is one such man: Mr. Jeffrey Chodorow. When we praised his Kobe Club restrooms last week, we thought the tiles looked familiar — indeed they’re a holdover from Ono, also designed by “Chodobro” Jeffrey Beers. Shall we visit what may be their finest crossing of creative swords?
Posted 05/25/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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Bathroom Beef: Quality Meats vs. Kobe Club
On limo-lined 58th Street, two nouveau steakhouses face each other in a bizarre game of Spy vs. Spy. The white spy: bright, cheery Quality Meats of the Wollensky empire, designed by the whiz kids at AvroKO. The black spy: Chodorow’s infamous Kobe Club, a noirish trip that resembles a Tarantino stage set. Each has its bag of trick s— QM’s meat-hook chandeliers! KC’s samurai swords!— but the nukes in their arsenals are, of course, the restrooms. After you’ve finished a 64-ounce growler of Quality beer or a $225 bowl of Kobe punch, you’re going to need to use 'em. So let’s take a look.
Posted 05/18/07 in Grub Street : Restroom Report
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