Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record.

Government Opens U.F.O. Files

Minister Critical of 'Blond' Envoys,
A Hidden Populace in a Vacant Lot

Seeking Office Where Fiction and Fact Blur.
A Bittersweet Return

Stirring Up Cultural Storm.
Citizen of the World,

How to Come Close?
No Sex, Please! We're French. —Lizzie Skurnick