If you're keeping track at home, not only do city officials want us to not smoke, not eat trans fat, not say the N-word or potentially the B-word, and not look out our windows and into our neighbor's, it also wants us to — this is so hideous we can barely even say it — be nice to tourists. According to today's Sun, the city has launched an international marketing campaign called "Just Ask the Locals." Even worse, apparently Bloomberg wants to get 50 million tourists to the city each year by 2015. Can you imagine: 50 million midwesterners and Germans, all asking us about things? With their fanny packs? And their slow walking? And their enormous bags from American Girl Place? The horror is almost too much to comprehend. But at least there's this: We're so happy the office just moved from midtown.

'Just Ask the Locals,' City Is Telling Tourists [NYS]