Fortunately, Jimmy Lee, the CEO of J.P. Morgan, stepped in before we burned out our eyes staring at it. "You're fabulous!" he told Wendi, and air-kissed her. Steve Schwarzman was briefly received. Then we had Wendi all to ourselves again. "You're so young," she cooed to us. "No, you're so young," we said, and we didn't even accidentally add, "compared to your husband." Speaking of! Wendi dragged us over to introduce us to Rupert. He has large, soft hands. "We TiVo-ed the first morning of [FBN]," he told us. "We have to get it in more homes. We're not going to worry about every penny." Wow, that's an amazing revelation. Rupert knows what a penny is? Do the Deng-Murdochs do other common-people things? Like, who do they hang out with? We asked Wendi who her best friend is in New York. "Well, I work out with Ivanka," she started. Funny. We'd heard they were friends.

But then it was time for the speeches. Fox Business mastermind Roger Ailes introduced Rupert Murdoch on the podium. "This temple was built in 15 B.C. by Cesar Augustus," Ailes said, gesturing expansively. "He was the Rupert Murdoch of his day." Oh, Roger. "Rupert Murdoch is so casual. One day he said to me, 'You know CNBC needs competition.' I said, 'Uh-oh.' Because I was around when he said, 'CNN needs some competition.'" Then Rupert came up and talked Australianly and then he introduced the Counting Crows, which was weird.

Near the stage, J-Vanka bobbed their heads to the music, and the young, hot Fox Newsies swayed giddily. Even the oldies kind of got down. We cornered Ailes and told him that against our better judgment, we sort of loved the channel. "You guys were the only people that weren't surprised that we hired attractive people!" he laughed. We laughed too, because that's what you do when media moguls display emotion while talking to you — you mimic it. It's like a survival strategy. Though by the time we got around to talking to Jared Kushner, we found his disdain for us a little too complicated to imitate.

Earlier: Fox Business Network, Full of Foxes!
Fox Business Network: It's Gold!