Today Jon Friedman wrote an uncomfortable open love poem to Fox Business Network's Cody Willard. It begins thusly:

Late Thursday afternoon
A tall, exuberant Cody Willard
Bounded into the Bull and Bear.
The 35-year-old co-anchor
Smacked the bartender's palm
Then wound up and high-fived a Fox technician
Producing a sudden, crackling, WHAP sound.

It goes on but we know it's five o'clock and you guys are just trying to make it through the day, so we'll let you off the hook. We bring it up, not because we disagree with Friedman's worship of the FBN early-evening show, Happy Hour. In fact, we are fans. Last week we watched the show, and within one hour they had chef Rocco DiSpirito, skateboarder Tony Hawk, and porn star Savannah Samson as guests. How can you beat that? But we just want to make a point to all of those people who think they are watching a hot dude and dudette drink with celebrities and talk about the stock market: They're not actually drinking. Even though the show is set at the Bull and Bear bar on Wall Street, co-host Rebecca Gomez told us at last week's launch party that she drinks cranberry juice and Willard drinks Sprite on the air. Yeah, that's right. Now we really have no idea where those FBN anchors get all that optimism.

Fox Business Network's: Happy Hour Might Be a Breakout Hit [MarketWatch]
Earlier: Fox Business Network: Full of Foxes!