Noted model-profiler Spencer Morgan turns his gimlet eye in this week's Observer to one Lydia Hearst. We find Lydia puzzling: She has of late been dating Cisco Adler, Mischa Barton's large-balled ex (er, NSFW), and writing a turgid column for Page Six the Magazine about her collective of friends, which she dubs "the 2.0," yet seems curiously unembarrassed about these things. In fact, it's almost as if she has no sense of self-awareness at all! "I always envision myself being a Hemingway type," she tells Morgan. Also, she has a 32-inch bust, 21-inch waist, and 34-inch hips, and is "definitely not a socialite," which we guess means she changed her mind from back in May, when she told New York she was proud of being a socialite. But a great mind is nothing if not fluid! What else is rolling around Lydia's brain?

• “I am a rebel. I heard that they are now trying to start a war with Cuba again — it was in the papers yesterday — it would be like another Bay of Pigs. I hope that [Stephen] Colbert wins. I think he is incredible and I think that this country needs somebody new and outrageous who is not afraid to speak out and who really will actually stand for this country and not lie, and actually just do the job and get out there and make a difference. I would vote for him.”

• “I sit down and I write what I’m thinking and what I feel — it happens all at once, I never stop writing. Probably when I go home tonight, I’m going to open my computer and just start typing … I always envision myself being a Hemingway type — sitting in a dark corner with my glass of, I guess it would be, my glass of tequila and lime juice — that’s how I do it.”

• “I always keep my legs together and wear underwear … I’m a lot more conservative than the Hollywood counterparts are. I’m an East Coast girl.”

• “My idea about being in a relationship is like it’s a whole other form of creation.”

Lydia Unleashed [NYO]