CosmoGIRL! The Hearst Magazines holiday party isn't until Monday, but that didn't stop CosmoGIRL! from hosting its own mini-funfest last night. So what classy locale did they choose to compete with the Norman Foster–designed tower where Monday's party will be? A rinky-dink sports bar. It was hard to miss editor-in-chief Susan Schulz presiding over the festivities in a reserved section at the back of the room; she was sporting a Seussian red-and-white-striped top hat that towered above the crowd. We quickly learned all the staffers were required to wear hats from a selection Schulz had supplied, which explained the green and red baseball hats (and grimaces) worn by the normally perfectly coiffed fashion editors. Other (braver) members of the female-heavy staff went for fruit-topped and fur-covered millinery, and we even saw one junior staffer stuck with a large foam hot dog on her head ("It's actually a wiener," she explained). Schulz sprang for an open bar, and we also spied some picked-over plates of dehydrated chicken wings, onion rings, and jalapeño poppers (or they could have been mozzarella sticks; we weren't willing to do a taste test). Not surprisingly, the free-flowing drinks and lack of food had some editors swaying on their feet before 8 p.m. As the night wore on, we watched a group of stuffy middle-management types move closer and closer to the CosmoGIRL! gang. When they got too close, we knew it was time to bolt.

Verdict: Food: 2; drink: 3; venue: 3 (two points for irony, one point for awesomeness); debauchery: 2; exclusivity: 2.