Robert Campbell of the Architectural Record is befuddled by the ugliness of the Hearst Tower. "It’s as if the Pentagon, with its usual deftness of touch, had confused its maps and located this chunk of military hardware in Manhattan instead of Florida," he muses, adding that it that looks less like a building human beings go in and out of than an unfriendly "cage for a single massive object" or "the carton the real tower came in." Certainly, he says, the Hearst is no "gherkin" — referring to the affectionate nickname Brits have given their Tower of London Norman Foster's 30 St Mary Axe. "I haven’t yet heard an affectionate nickname for the Hearst," he writes. Well, we can change that! Below, a few suggestions for renaming the Hearst building.

1. The Worst Tower
2. The Crinkle-Cut French Fry
3. 57th Street's Flamboyant Hat
4. Marge Simpson's Hairnet
5. The Jerks' Tower
6. Basket of Jerks

Oh, just kidding about those last two. Shout-outs to our peeps at Hearst!

Why Foster’s Hearst Tower is no gherkin [Architectural Record]
Related: New York's Ugliest Buildings