So, we don't really know anybody at the Securities and Exchange Commission. But, statistically, we'd bet that they're mostly not sexual criminals. They're busy. But former hedge-fund manager and Internet hero Timothy Sykes begs to differ. "The SEC fucked me," he told Dealbreaker.com. "The SEC are rapists. And everyone who's been raped by them is too scared to come forward." Wow. In addition to the grammatical conundrum that this statement raises (is it, "The SEC is a rapist"?), there's the whole point that the SEC is basically out to protect the little people. You know, the ones who are the most rape-prone? But we're arguing a small point here. It's Friday, and you need someone in the financial world to ridicule who isn't your own money manager.

Tim Sykes—Find Him Under ‘RichAssJew’ On MySpace — Says We Should Consider Ourselves Lucky He Closed His Fund, Otherwise We Never Would Have Heard About Him*, And What A Pity That Would’ve Been [DealBreaker]
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