As we lie in wait, desperately refreshing gossip Websites in the hopes that some or any information will pop up about Jennifer Lopez's heaven-sent babies, we've begun to get a little depressed. She's going to give them ridiculous names, we worry to ourselves. Two absurdly pretentious names. Each. Sure, we wouldn't want them to have normal names. We love quirky one-namers like Cruz Beckham, Suri Cruise, and Phinnaeus Cameraman. But you just know J.Lo's going to come up with something more along the lines of Tallulah Belle or Emerson Rose, who are lovely people but whom we can't imagine rocking out in a limo with mohawks and splits of Champagne on their way to their first Communions. We want fireworks, not sweetness! And Life & Style confirms our worries — apparently, even their births were gentle. "Jennifer was amazing," Dr. Anita Sadaty, J. Lo's OB/GYN, told the mag. "She has this motherhood glow about her, very serene. Her boy and girl are healthy — and for that she feels so thankful and blessed." Apparently, the girl popped out ten minutes before the boy, and the whole thing went off "without a hitch. There were no complications whatsoever." Aw, crap. Looks like we're going to have to wait until after their Disney-show downfalls to have any fun.

J.Lo's Doctor Speaks: "She's Simply Overjoyed!" [Pagesix.com]