We admit it. We read Portfolio's story on Outsourcing Valentine's Day twice before we realized it was written by the comedian Andy Borowitz and therefore, totally fake. Yes, we're gullible. But aren't magazines supposed to put disclaimers on this stuff nowadays? Especially when they have paragraphs such as this?

Jason F., a risk arbitrageur whose friends call him “Douche” relates a cautionary tale. “My assistant spent weeks researching the perfect gift for my girlfriend and chose a Givenchy handbag that matched her eye color. But as soon as my girlfriend unwrapped it, she smelled a rat — so much thought had gone into it, she knew that I couldn’t have been involved.”

Okay, a Givenchy handbag that matched her eye color — that, we don't buy. But a hedge-fund guy named Jason F. whose friends call him "Douche"? That sounds completely plausible. In fact, we bet that some of you readers know guys named Jason F that are — or should be — called "Douche." Submit their names in comments below.

Outsource Valentine's Day [Portfolio]