Bay Ridge: Residents here may be entitled to a discount on units in the forthcoming Trump Bay Ridge, where condos will go for $2.5 to $17.5 mil. Oh, and, uh, check today's date. [Bay Ridge Blog]
Bushwick: If you're Googling the 'shwick just to find out if it's safe enough for you to move here, why don't you get off your bougie ass and come out here for a day and see if you get mugged or not? [BushwickBK]
East Village: In a strange instance of meta-gentrification, the St. Marks Place store that sells nostalgic items from CBGB — the legendary Bowery rock club forced to shutter itself in recent years — is now also forced to shutter itself. And even referred to itself as "legendary!" [Vanishing NY]

Fort Greene: Hey, Touré, some of us actually derived entertainment value from that Oxford Street crack house you ultimately snitched on! [Gawker]
Murray Hill: Setting up a possible ideal scenario for a horror film, the city is trying to turn the old Bellevue psych hospital on First Avenue into a luxury hotel. Did we just hear tortured screams coming from the spa? [NYS]
Ozone Park: Should landmark status be sought for the apartment here where Jack Kerouac planned his cross-country jaunt that led to On the Road, not to mention for the Richmond Hill home where he worked on the book? [NYDN]
Tribeca: Staff at Robert De Niro's sort-of-open-for-business Greenwich Hotel are greeting nosy locals with warmly open arms. April Fools'! Actually, we hear, they'll try to block you from taking pictures...even from outside! [Curbed]