Ladies and gays, we've had a listen of the new Fergie remix for Sex and the City: The Movie. Sorry to disappoint, but it’s not the feminist anthem you’ve all been waiting for. Rather, “Labels or Love” is a cheesy ode to conspicuous consumption advising women to cure their romantic disappointments through shopping. Notable lyrics include “Let’s stop chasing those boys and shop some more” and “Don’t cry, buy a bag and get over it!” (There’s a line that sounds suspiciously like “I’m not concerned with foreign policy,” at which point we almost put our heads through the monitor, but we’re hoping we misheard.) As Idolator points out, lines like “I know my credit card will help me put out the flames” make the song seem wildly out of date considering there’s a recession going on. But the series was always an exercise in fantasy.

Of course, it doesn’t really matter what the song says. People will dance to ditties that simply repeat and dissect the word “umbrella” if they're set to a good beat. This one’s not great. We submit to the Window Test. We have the windows open today — high of 75! — and we had to crank the music up loud to decipher the lyrics. However, we quickly grew embarrassed and shut them before the neighbors starting judging us. So there you have it. Click here and judge for yourself. —Noelle Hancock

Fergie's "Labels Or Love" [Ali's Blog]