Hank Steinbrenner is now two weeks into his first full season as the Yankees’ Guy in a Position of Authority for the Tabloids to Quote — officially, he’s a co-chairperson with his brother, Hal — and so far, he’s given us all we could hope for. While his club was busy dropping two of three to Boston this weekend, Hank was concerned with more important things, like responding to the Post-generated Red Sox–jersey story. (In case you’ve missed the Post’s front page for the past four days: A construction worker buried a David Ortiz jersey in a concrete slab in the under-construction new Yankee Stadium, and the Yankees dug it up for a photo op.) Not being one to overreact to such a silly story, Hank had the following to say to the tabloid: “I hope his co-workers kick the s--- out of him,” adding that the buried jersey was “a bunch of bull----.”

Now while our initial reaction to the story was something along the lines of “Oh” on day one and “Who cares?” by day four, clearly we should turn to Hank as a moral guide more often. Yes, the Yankees were the target of a harmless prank, but that’s no reason not to advocate a little vigilante-style violence! And the more we think about it, there are plenty of times we’re sure Hank’s levelheaded wisdom would come in handy. So we’ve compiled some of his greatest hits in one spot for future generations to reference and repeat — kind of like a one-man version of Bartlett’s. Let’s just hope those quote-filled high-school yearbooks haven’t gone to print yet.

On generosity:
"I don't want [small-market teams] in general to forget who subsidizes a lot of them, and it's the Yankees, the Red Sox, Dodgers, Mets. I would prefer if teams want to target the Yankees that they at least start giving some of that revenue sharing and luxury tax money back. From an owner's point of view, that's my point." [ESPN]

On diplomacy:
"Being insulted by [Red Sox closer Jonathan] Papelbon is like being attacked by a mouse." [Boston Globe]

On modesty and perspective:
“Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.” [NYT]

On encouraging one’s employees:
“Does he [Alex Rodriguez] want to go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee or a Toledo Mud Hen?” [NYT] —Joe DeLessio

For more wit and wisdom from the mouth of Steinbrenner, see our recount of his contradictory rhetoric over the Yankees' efforts to trade for Johan Santana, and his repeated insistence that he is "not stupid."